I can remember when my daughter was much younger; sitting in the back seat of our car bellowing out the lyrics, "Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so."
How much happier I would be as an adult if I merely embraced the fact that Jesus loves me with the same conviction that my little girl does. But for some reason I've fought it for most of my life. I have had difficulty accepting that someone as wonderful as Jesus would be interested in me. However, irregardless of how I feel the ultimate truth remains; Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16.
"In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propitiation of our sins." 1John 4:10.
See, we will never have to do anything to make God love us. We can not make God do anything. He loves us because He chooses to. He loves us because that is who He is. If God is love, then love is God. Because He possesses ultimate power He could easily decide to dump us and not take an interest in us. In the simplest of terms; God loves us because He wants to! After all, He doesn't owe us anything. Yet, He continues to love us and show us kindness.
He even shows love to the ones who do not love Him. "God causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matt 5:45.
Anyway, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to tell all of you today, and He said, "Tell them that I love them."
Well, I'm telling you that He does love you and if you will simply embrace this truth you will experience a peace that can surpass all human understanding. I always try to understand God through intellect and reasoning and it doesn't work. God's ways are far above my own. Soooo, let me save you the suspense; you will never be able to figure God out so stop trying because it's a waste of time. To further simplify the decision I can narrow it down to two choices: One, you either trust that God is who He says He is, or two, you don't.
This will be my last blog at jehovahsultimatetruth.blogspot.com Thanks to all of my loyal readers. Look for my new blog. I'm not sure what the title will be yet, but I know that the information will be for "all" of God's children and not just for one specific group. The truth is; we are all humans and we all struggle in some way or another and I just want you to know that there is help available for each and every struggle that you will ever face.
Until we meet again, may God's peace keep you. Thanks for your support, Kim
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
What Did She Say?
Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. Proverbs 26:20 (NIV)
Growing up witness taught me two things. The first thing was how to follow rules. The second thing was how to appreciate some juicy gossip. There seemed to be an epidemic in our small congregation of about 60 people. When someone had a problem or an imperfection, we "all" knew about it. It's funny, but I truly believed that most (non-cult) people didn't engage in gossip. Oh, how wrong I was!
Years ago when I was attending college I was friends with some girls, who all claimed to be pals but there was gossip in our midst. I swear, one girl was a trained professional. She simply processed the talent of overhearing one of the other girls saying something nasty about me. Then after she heard it she would waste no time relaying the disturbing message back to me. Then I'd put on my boxing gloves and in true battle fashion, would retaliate by saying something even nastier.
Suddenly quarrels began to spring up between us. Sadly, we did not discover the true source that created all of the tension until the friendships were beyond repair and had to be dissolved.
Also, it has been my experience that people are basically people. The wonderful world of gossip exists everywhere, between all ethnic groups and individuals from all economic statuses. Now I hate to be the one to deliver this shocker, but it even exists among Christians, it shouldn't, but it does. I recently had an experience where I had an altercation with another christian. I got emotional and upset and gave serious thought to leaving my church. Instead of following the advice of Jesus and going to the person whom I had the conflict with, I went to two other people. This action only resulted to further complicate the situation. I drew others into my negativity. I'm happy to tell you that the incident was able to be resolved, but repeating the ordeal to others only served to make the situation worse. In the beginning I reasoned that I was talking about the problem because I was angry and needed to let off some steam, but that's what Jesus is for. I should have followed Joyce's advice and ran to the throne and not the phone.
Repeating negative things about another person to someone else stirs up various conflicts and separates friends. Believe me there's just nothing good that comes from it.
As a result of what just happened I've made the decision to eliminate all forms of gossip from my life. I will not speak it, nor will I listen to it. I've been made painfully aware that at one point I will be held accountable by God for every word I've ever spoken. "For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all." Matthew 10:28. So I'm going to try to choose my words more carefully.
Jesus, please give me the continued desire to stop speaking and receiving gossip.
Growing up witness taught me two things. The first thing was how to follow rules. The second thing was how to appreciate some juicy gossip. There seemed to be an epidemic in our small congregation of about 60 people. When someone had a problem or an imperfection, we "all" knew about it. It's funny, but I truly believed that most (non-cult) people didn't engage in gossip. Oh, how wrong I was!
Years ago when I was attending college I was friends with some girls, who all claimed to be pals but there was gossip in our midst. I swear, one girl was a trained professional. She simply processed the talent of overhearing one of the other girls saying something nasty about me. Then after she heard it she would waste no time relaying the disturbing message back to me. Then I'd put on my boxing gloves and in true battle fashion, would retaliate by saying something even nastier.
Suddenly quarrels began to spring up between us. Sadly, we did not discover the true source that created all of the tension until the friendships were beyond repair and had to be dissolved.
Also, it has been my experience that people are basically people. The wonderful world of gossip exists everywhere, between all ethnic groups and individuals from all economic statuses. Now I hate to be the one to deliver this shocker, but it even exists among Christians, it shouldn't, but it does. I recently had an experience where I had an altercation with another christian. I got emotional and upset and gave serious thought to leaving my church. Instead of following the advice of Jesus and going to the person whom I had the conflict with, I went to two other people. This action only resulted to further complicate the situation. I drew others into my negativity. I'm happy to tell you that the incident was able to be resolved, but repeating the ordeal to others only served to make the situation worse. In the beginning I reasoned that I was talking about the problem because I was angry and needed to let off some steam, but that's what Jesus is for. I should have followed Joyce's advice and ran to the throne and not the phone.
Repeating negative things about another person to someone else stirs up various conflicts and separates friends. Believe me there's just nothing good that comes from it.
As a result of what just happened I've made the decision to eliminate all forms of gossip from my life. I will not speak it, nor will I listen to it. I've been made painfully aware that at one point I will be held accountable by God for every word I've ever spoken. "For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all." Matthew 10:28. So I'm going to try to choose my words more carefully.
Jesus, please give me the continued desire to stop speaking and receiving gossip.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Pact
There's just no way around it I made a pact with myself when I was disfellowshipped as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. subconsciously, I allowed myself to agree with what the elders said about me.
They said that I was rebellious, unlovable and unwanted. They said that Jehovah didn't want someone like me messing up his crystal organization. They told me that I was dirty and had to be removed like a cancer, before I polluted the rest of the congregation.
I can remember all to well sitting through that meeting awaiting my horrible fate. The elders had spoken, I had not appeared repentant enough to them, and so the only decision was to disfellowship me so that I didn't contaminate the others.
I agreed with them that very night. Right then and there before I even left the room, I sided with the elders that I wasn't worth loving. I wasn't worth saving and that people could not be trusted. I never said these words out loud, but deep down inside I internalized them and that's the way that I've lived my life ever since. Jesus said, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is."
I've had to ask myself some brutal questions this week. First, I asked myself what I really thought in my heart about love? My heart answer is, "It doesn't really exist. It's only superficial. My second question was could anyone be trusted? My answer is, absolutely not. They will not stand by you when you really need them. Because when the going gets tough everyone leaves. My thoughts about trust is that it's completely counterfeit; it only appears real on the surface it may look authentic, but in reality it's completely fake. And third, will Jesus actually save me? The truth is; I don't know. Maybe, deep down in my heart of hearts I believe that I'm not worth saving. I mean if anyone asks me the question; did Jesus come to earth to die and to save people from their sins, I will defend that He did. But did Jesus come to earth and die for me? No, I'm not worthy.
I believe that we each must search ourselves and our hearts to find the answers to hard questions that we'd rather not answer. I just know that deep down inside I'm not the only person who struggles with receiving God's grace. If you have never been shown love and mercy and unconditional love, then it's very hard to fathom what it is. Especially, individuals who have suffered abuse from both their parents and religious leaders. I don't say this in any way for sympathy, but the truth is the truth. Most people don't want to get their hands dirty with recovering cult members. They would rather offer a pat on the back and a quick solution then to actually bleed with the other person. However, Paul said, "Mourn with those who mourn." We've somehow forgotten this as Christians.
This is why I do what I do. People have had stuff happen to them. Painful stuff. I for one am tired of hearing that we should stuff our pain and paint on a happy, plastic, smile. Because when we do this, the devil wins. Satan wants us to believe that we are the only ones in the universe to feel the way that we feel. That's why talking about it helps.
My hearts desire for this week is to learn how to receive the unconditional love of Jesus. Honestly, I don't know how to receive it but I'm desperately willing to learn.
Jesus, I know that I cannot stay forever trapped in this hopeless maze of past hurts, but I'm gonna need a supernatural miracle. Please heal my broken heart so that I can accept your love and grace.
They said that I was rebellious, unlovable and unwanted. They said that Jehovah didn't want someone like me messing up his crystal organization. They told me that I was dirty and had to be removed like a cancer, before I polluted the rest of the congregation.
I can remember all to well sitting through that meeting awaiting my horrible fate. The elders had spoken, I had not appeared repentant enough to them, and so the only decision was to disfellowship me so that I didn't contaminate the others.
I agreed with them that very night. Right then and there before I even left the room, I sided with the elders that I wasn't worth loving. I wasn't worth saving and that people could not be trusted. I never said these words out loud, but deep down inside I internalized them and that's the way that I've lived my life ever since. Jesus said, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is."
I've had to ask myself some brutal questions this week. First, I asked myself what I really thought in my heart about love? My heart answer is, "It doesn't really exist. It's only superficial. My second question was could anyone be trusted? My answer is, absolutely not. They will not stand by you when you really need them. Because when the going gets tough everyone leaves. My thoughts about trust is that it's completely counterfeit; it only appears real on the surface it may look authentic, but in reality it's completely fake. And third, will Jesus actually save me? The truth is; I don't know. Maybe, deep down in my heart of hearts I believe that I'm not worth saving. I mean if anyone asks me the question; did Jesus come to earth to die and to save people from their sins, I will defend that He did. But did Jesus come to earth and die for me? No, I'm not worthy.
I believe that we each must search ourselves and our hearts to find the answers to hard questions that we'd rather not answer. I just know that deep down inside I'm not the only person who struggles with receiving God's grace. If you have never been shown love and mercy and unconditional love, then it's very hard to fathom what it is. Especially, individuals who have suffered abuse from both their parents and religious leaders. I don't say this in any way for sympathy, but the truth is the truth. Most people don't want to get their hands dirty with recovering cult members. They would rather offer a pat on the back and a quick solution then to actually bleed with the other person. However, Paul said, "Mourn with those who mourn." We've somehow forgotten this as Christians.
This is why I do what I do. People have had stuff happen to them. Painful stuff. I for one am tired of hearing that we should stuff our pain and paint on a happy, plastic, smile. Because when we do this, the devil wins. Satan wants us to believe that we are the only ones in the universe to feel the way that we feel. That's why talking about it helps.
My hearts desire for this week is to learn how to receive the unconditional love of Jesus. Honestly, I don't know how to receive it but I'm desperately willing to learn.
Jesus, I know that I cannot stay forever trapped in this hopeless maze of past hurts, but I'm gonna need a supernatural miracle. Please heal my broken heart so that I can accept your love and grace.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Who Really Has the Control?
"So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come close to God and He will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor." James 4: 7-10.
I guess there's a lot of truth to that old Chinese Proverb that says; "When the student is ready the teacher will appear", because yesterday morning in personal study I came across the verse quoted above. Although, I must have read this scripture a few hundred times throughout my walk with God (9 years) this time as I read it, I understood the text's meaning in a totally different way. On this particular occasion the words that literally jumped off the page were; RESIST and FLEE.
Resist the devil and he will flee! Now the funny thing is that I had quoted this scripture plenty of times, my head knew this verse well but my heart had never heard of it. I had absolutely no ideal of the true beauty behind these words until around 24 hours ago.
First, we really must realize who we are up against. The devil is our enemy he hates God and he hates us. He wants nothing more than to mess us up. He wants to damage us: mentally, emotionally and spiritually, so that we never do anything to upset his plans. He understands that if he can constantly fill our heads with lies and make us believe them, then we will never do anything POWERFUL for the kingdom of God. The devil should never be listened too. Why? Because he is a filthy, rotten, dirty, liar and that's being far to kind of a description for him. In fact, Jesus called him, "The father of the lie." Satan cannot speak the truth because it is not in his nature. Excuse me, I lost my head for a minute there. OK, now that I've given you the bad news-here's the good news!
We can resist the devil. Resist means to exert force in opposition! Meaning that when he starts whispering in your ear that you don't have what it takes to make it. You need to turn on him and start yelling in his face that, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." When the devil tells you that your life is messed up beyond repair, you just remind him that God has all of your life written down and He knows exactly where you are. He knows what your struggles are and He still has a good plan for your life.
Now, what starts to happen when you resist the devil? HE FLEES! He runs away toward a place of security! Remember that it is impossible to have a clean fight with a coward. A spineless coward will only throw punches when your back is turned. Face one head on and watch what happens. Chances are they will fly outta there. The devil is no exception to this rule.
Please allow me to say that it isn't merely speaking the words of scripture that makes the devil run, it's the faith behind the words! As my Pastor always reminds me, "The devil knows when you really don't believe the words that are coming out of your mouth." My advice to anyone struggling in this area would be to fill yourself up on the word of God. Give the words time to leak from your brain into your heart. I promise you that eventually it will! Just never give up, keep fighting!
So.......my title asks the question, Who Really Has the Control? The answer is; you do! How do I know? Holy Spirit told me so. His exact words were, "The devil doesn't control you, you control him." Never allow the devil to steal the power that Jesus has given you!
I guess there's a lot of truth to that old Chinese Proverb that says; "When the student is ready the teacher will appear", because yesterday morning in personal study I came across the verse quoted above. Although, I must have read this scripture a few hundred times throughout my walk with God (9 years) this time as I read it, I understood the text's meaning in a totally different way. On this particular occasion the words that literally jumped off the page were; RESIST and FLEE.
Resist the devil and he will flee! Now the funny thing is that I had quoted this scripture plenty of times, my head knew this verse well but my heart had never heard of it. I had absolutely no ideal of the true beauty behind these words until around 24 hours ago.
First, we really must realize who we are up against. The devil is our enemy he hates God and he hates us. He wants nothing more than to mess us up. He wants to damage us: mentally, emotionally and spiritually, so that we never do anything to upset his plans. He understands that if he can constantly fill our heads with lies and make us believe them, then we will never do anything POWERFUL for the kingdom of God. The devil should never be listened too. Why? Because he is a filthy, rotten, dirty, liar and that's being far to kind of a description for him. In fact, Jesus called him, "The father of the lie." Satan cannot speak the truth because it is not in his nature. Excuse me, I lost my head for a minute there. OK, now that I've given you the bad news-here's the good news!
We can resist the devil. Resist means to exert force in opposition! Meaning that when he starts whispering in your ear that you don't have what it takes to make it. You need to turn on him and start yelling in his face that, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." When the devil tells you that your life is messed up beyond repair, you just remind him that God has all of your life written down and He knows exactly where you are. He knows what your struggles are and He still has a good plan for your life.
Now, what starts to happen when you resist the devil? HE FLEES! He runs away toward a place of security! Remember that it is impossible to have a clean fight with a coward. A spineless coward will only throw punches when your back is turned. Face one head on and watch what happens. Chances are they will fly outta there. The devil is no exception to this rule.
Please allow me to say that it isn't merely speaking the words of scripture that makes the devil run, it's the faith behind the words! As my Pastor always reminds me, "The devil knows when you really don't believe the words that are coming out of your mouth." My advice to anyone struggling in this area would be to fill yourself up on the word of God. Give the words time to leak from your brain into your heart. I promise you that eventually it will! Just never give up, keep fighting!
So.......my title asks the question, Who Really Has the Control? The answer is; you do! How do I know? Holy Spirit told me so. His exact words were, "The devil doesn't control you, you control him." Never allow the devil to steal the power that Jesus has given you!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Vows That Bind
Therefore submit to God. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4: 7a,8a.
For weeks now; God has been bringing me through an intense time of emotional healing. I can't deny that I need it because I have more baggage then Kennedy Airport. As painful as it is, I take some solace in the fact that at least for now I understand where most of my struggles are coming from.
When I was fifteen years old, I walked into the kitchen just in time to see my ranting father slam my mother's favorite house plant against the wall. The look of shock and fear that crossed my mom's face was over whelming. Next, I helplessly watched as my frightened mother slowly sunk down into a corner, buried her face into her lap and sobbed. Then my father with a look of both glee and intense satisfaction, turned and stormed from the house. I remember just standing there looking at my mom for the longest time not knowing for sure what to do or say.
I felt so helpless and so disgusted that all I could do was run down the hall. After I got into the safety of my bedroom, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "No person will ever control me, especially a man." Later that day as we "all" sit around the dinner table eating supper, I kept fighting down waves of nausea because of all the unresolved tension that the earlier drama had created. Everyone just ate their meals in silence and no one spoke of the incident. Then later on that same evening we all got dressed up in our finest, and went to the Kingdom Hall to parade as the perfect, loving, Christian family. My father suddenly loved everyone and my mom was transformed onto a social butterfly, and my sister and I were the obedient, teens who were someday going to make wonder witness women.
All throughout that meeting my mind reflected back upon that days events and all of the other days that I had lived through just like it, and suddenly nothing made any sense to me. Finally, before that meeting was over I decided to take the issue to my favorite elder. I reasoned that since mom obviously lacked the strength to do anything, I would. For the first time I felt hopeful about my situation. I just knew that after my conversation with the elder things at my home would change.
After the meeting I quickly found the elder and literally spilled my guts, I told him everything. I told him how that I lived in constant fear, I told him how my father bullied my mother, I told him about my mother's inability to stand up for herself to my father. I mostly told him about my feelings of hopelessness in constantly watching my mother crumble and allowing my father to walk all over her. After I had finished I sit back feeling relived for first time. However, my relief was only temporarily because absolutely nothing could have ever prepared me for his response. Instead, of telling me that it was going to be OK, that he'd see what he could do, the man started rebuking me. He gave me a lecture on how I wasn't being submissive to my mom or dad, he told me that our private family matters needed to be handled by my mother and he pretty much let me know that the entire congregation had nothing but respect for my father. Honestly, all I can remember feeling at the time was shock........
Later on that night as I lay in bed I remember making another solemn vow and that was; that I would never, under no circumstances, go to an elder, minster, or man of God ever again with my problems. I reasoned that people were more accepting if they didn't know that you were having problems. And even if you were suffering it was always better to pretend that you weren't.
See, recently God has asked me to surrender and submit my life and will over to Him and I have not been able to do it yet. But at least now I know why; those vows that I spoke over myself 20+ years ago, still hold much power over me.
The truth is; as far as my relationship with God goes this is where the rubber hits the road. I can't advance another step unless I give Him what He wants.
I mean if surrender were an intellectual matter I think that I would have already done so, but surrender is an affair of the heart. My head Says, "Go on girl, you do not need to hold onto the control, let God do it." Then my heart says, "I know that I need to, but I'm afraid and I really don't know how." I keep telling God that if you want me to do this you are going to have to supernaturally intervene. I'm sure that I cannot do this myself.
So,,,,, thus far the struggle between mind and will continues.........
For weeks now; God has been bringing me through an intense time of emotional healing. I can't deny that I need it because I have more baggage then Kennedy Airport. As painful as it is, I take some solace in the fact that at least for now I understand where most of my struggles are coming from.
When I was fifteen years old, I walked into the kitchen just in time to see my ranting father slam my mother's favorite house plant against the wall. The look of shock and fear that crossed my mom's face was over whelming. Next, I helplessly watched as my frightened mother slowly sunk down into a corner, buried her face into her lap and sobbed. Then my father with a look of both glee and intense satisfaction, turned and stormed from the house. I remember just standing there looking at my mom for the longest time not knowing for sure what to do or say.
I felt so helpless and so disgusted that all I could do was run down the hall. After I got into the safety of my bedroom, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "No person will ever control me, especially a man." Later that day as we "all" sit around the dinner table eating supper, I kept fighting down waves of nausea because of all the unresolved tension that the earlier drama had created. Everyone just ate their meals in silence and no one spoke of the incident. Then later on that same evening we all got dressed up in our finest, and went to the Kingdom Hall to parade as the perfect, loving, Christian family. My father suddenly loved everyone and my mom was transformed onto a social butterfly, and my sister and I were the obedient, teens who were someday going to make wonder witness women.
All throughout that meeting my mind reflected back upon that days events and all of the other days that I had lived through just like it, and suddenly nothing made any sense to me. Finally, before that meeting was over I decided to take the issue to my favorite elder. I reasoned that since mom obviously lacked the strength to do anything, I would. For the first time I felt hopeful about my situation. I just knew that after my conversation with the elder things at my home would change.
After the meeting I quickly found the elder and literally spilled my guts, I told him everything. I told him how that I lived in constant fear, I told him how my father bullied my mother, I told him about my mother's inability to stand up for herself to my father. I mostly told him about my feelings of hopelessness in constantly watching my mother crumble and allowing my father to walk all over her. After I had finished I sit back feeling relived for first time. However, my relief was only temporarily because absolutely nothing could have ever prepared me for his response. Instead, of telling me that it was going to be OK, that he'd see what he could do, the man started rebuking me. He gave me a lecture on how I wasn't being submissive to my mom or dad, he told me that our private family matters needed to be handled by my mother and he pretty much let me know that the entire congregation had nothing but respect for my father. Honestly, all I can remember feeling at the time was shock........
Later on that night as I lay in bed I remember making another solemn vow and that was; that I would never, under no circumstances, go to an elder, minster, or man of God ever again with my problems. I reasoned that people were more accepting if they didn't know that you were having problems. And even if you were suffering it was always better to pretend that you weren't.
See, recently God has asked me to surrender and submit my life and will over to Him and I have not been able to do it yet. But at least now I know why; those vows that I spoke over myself 20+ years ago, still hold much power over me.
The truth is; as far as my relationship with God goes this is where the rubber hits the road. I can't advance another step unless I give Him what He wants.
I mean if surrender were an intellectual matter I think that I would have already done so, but surrender is an affair of the heart. My head Says, "Go on girl, you do not need to hold onto the control, let God do it." Then my heart says, "I know that I need to, but I'm afraid and I really don't know how." I keep telling God that if you want me to do this you are going to have to supernaturally intervene. I'm sure that I cannot do this myself.
So,,,,, thus far the struggle between mind and will continues.........
Thursday, August 18, 2011
To God Alone Be the Glory
"To God alone be the glory. To God alone be the praise, everything I say and do, let it be all for you, the glory is yours alone."
Boy, has God been dealing with me on this subject. He has been letting me know that He is not going to share His glory with anyone or anything else. In fact, He told me yesterday that He wanted to take first place in my life. He didn't ask me, He told me!
I can tell you that although I've been saved for nine years, I have not allowed Jesus to become Lord of my life. I haven't allowed Him to call all of the shots, and He's getting more aggressive about wanting too. I'll give you an example; a few days ago my husband and I were driving home when suddenly he tells me that we have to stop by his sisters house to pick something up. Immediately, I felt a tug from the Holy Spirit that I needed to get out and go inside. However, I had other plans. I wanted to stay in the car, keep quite and go home because I had somewhere else that I needed to be later on that evening. So, I told my husband to go on ahead and that I'd just wait for him. Suddenly, I realized that I had just placed my own wants and desires above Jesus'. When I realized what I had done, I repented, relented and got out. What was the outcome? Jesus wanted to give me an opportunity to minister to a 21 year old. A seed was planted and who knows what Holy Spirit's gonna do with it.
Throughout my life I've been guilty of placing many things above God. A partial list would include; addictions, people, thoughts, jobs, relationships, fixations, my own opinions,etc..... You name it, I could find a way to idolize it. According to my Pastor; an idol would be anything that a person gives their energy and time to over God. This is a dangerous trap to fall into because we are repeatedly warned in the scriptures that God is a jealous God. He wants all of us, and He will absolutely not share the lime light with anyone. He doesn't have to because everything already belongs to Him.
I mean I didn't deliberately sit out to disobey God, I simply ignored His instructions and did what I wanted to do instead. I never once said to myself or dared ever say to God that I wasn't going to listen to His directions, but my actions spoke louder that a thousand thoughts, or words. And as we already know actions are what's important to God. I mean it's easy to sing, "I surrender all", but does God have to tackle us to the ground each time He asks us to do something? This question merits an answer.
Also, it's very easy to elevate people over God . Especially,the ones who profess to be working for Him. Yep, I'm talking about TV evangelists, Preachers, Pastors, or religious organizations. We must always remember that they should be working for God's glory and not for their own. Whatever talents and wisdom they have, they've received from God- not themselves.
Honestly, I have to be extremely careful not to fall into this trap. Because I received no love or attention from my parents when I was younger, I quickly developed attachments to other older adults. These people became the center of my universe. When I needed advice, or a hug or some attention, I automatically ran to them. This habit did not just disappear when I became an adult. The truth is; I still have to constantly remind my self to both think about and go to God first, and if He wants me to receive assistant from someone else, He'll direct me to them.
Finally, the thought that God is jealous for my attention, amazes me. He doesn't need me, He is not dependent on me, but yet He honestly wants all me. As nutty as I am, He wants me warts and all! I think that I want to get to a point in my life where I'm likewise jealous for God. I want to crave His attention just as much as He wants mine. Because in the end everything that we've tried to exalt over God will turn to dust or become meaningless, but God will still be here because He will exist forever!
Boy, has God been dealing with me on this subject. He has been letting me know that He is not going to share His glory with anyone or anything else. In fact, He told me yesterday that He wanted to take first place in my life. He didn't ask me, He told me!
I can tell you that although I've been saved for nine years, I have not allowed Jesus to become Lord of my life. I haven't allowed Him to call all of the shots, and He's getting more aggressive about wanting too. I'll give you an example; a few days ago my husband and I were driving home when suddenly he tells me that we have to stop by his sisters house to pick something up. Immediately, I felt a tug from the Holy Spirit that I needed to get out and go inside. However, I had other plans. I wanted to stay in the car, keep quite and go home because I had somewhere else that I needed to be later on that evening. So, I told my husband to go on ahead and that I'd just wait for him. Suddenly, I realized that I had just placed my own wants and desires above Jesus'. When I realized what I had done, I repented, relented and got out. What was the outcome? Jesus wanted to give me an opportunity to minister to a 21 year old. A seed was planted and who knows what Holy Spirit's gonna do with it.
Throughout my life I've been guilty of placing many things above God. A partial list would include; addictions, people, thoughts, jobs, relationships, fixations, my own opinions,etc..... You name it, I could find a way to idolize it. According to my Pastor; an idol would be anything that a person gives their energy and time to over God. This is a dangerous trap to fall into because we are repeatedly warned in the scriptures that God is a jealous God. He wants all of us, and He will absolutely not share the lime light with anyone. He doesn't have to because everything already belongs to Him.
I mean I didn't deliberately sit out to disobey God, I simply ignored His instructions and did what I wanted to do instead. I never once said to myself or dared ever say to God that I wasn't going to listen to His directions, but my actions spoke louder that a thousand thoughts, or words. And as we already know actions are what's important to God. I mean it's easy to sing, "I surrender all", but does God have to tackle us to the ground each time He asks us to do something? This question merits an answer.
Also, it's very easy to elevate people over God . Especially,the ones who profess to be working for Him. Yep, I'm talking about TV evangelists, Preachers, Pastors, or religious organizations. We must always remember that they should be working for God's glory and not for their own. Whatever talents and wisdom they have, they've received from God- not themselves.
Honestly, I have to be extremely careful not to fall into this trap. Because I received no love or attention from my parents when I was younger, I quickly developed attachments to other older adults. These people became the center of my universe. When I needed advice, or a hug or some attention, I automatically ran to them. This habit did not just disappear when I became an adult. The truth is; I still have to constantly remind my self to both think about and go to God first, and if He wants me to receive assistant from someone else, He'll direct me to them.
Finally, the thought that God is jealous for my attention, amazes me. He doesn't need me, He is not dependent on me, but yet He honestly wants all me. As nutty as I am, He wants me warts and all! I think that I want to get to a point in my life where I'm likewise jealous for God. I want to crave His attention just as much as He wants mine. Because in the end everything that we've tried to exalt over God will turn to dust or become meaningless, but God will still be here because He will exist forever!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Learn A Lesson From Your Rear View Mirror
"But I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" Philippians 3:13.
Ever wonder why the rear view mirror in your car is so small? Could it be because focusing on where your going is more important then looking back on where you've been? I mean can you imagine what kind of calamity would happen if you tried to drive your automobile using only your rear view mirror? Trust me, with even the best case scenario, nothing good would come of it. And if you persisted in driving in this crazy fashion, I can almost guarantee you that if a judge didn't take away your licence or order you in lock down, you'd at the minimum be riding a bus,taking a bicycle, or simply walking.
This is exactly how living in the past is. I mean think about it; we've already been there and we can not go back, so the only rational thing to do is to keep moving forward, but instead we keep looking back and we run the risk of crashing into a large obstacle. I've been very guilty of this for the majority of my life.
Truthfully, being disfellowshipped as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and losing all of my family and friends left a big scar. I'm not denying the pain, but I almost allowed that one experience to ruin any other relationships that I may have came into contact with. Trust was a big issue for me. I reasoned that if I couldn't even trust my parents or friends whom I had known my entire life, then I simply couldn't trust anybody, not even Jesus. Oh, how wrong I was.
I believe that always focusing on your past obscures your view of the future. For example; whenever I met new people especially Christians; my invisible wall automatically went up. I concluded that if I made a mistake they would reject me, so I stood ready to reject them first. And Pastors didn't stand a chance as far as I was concerned. I reasoned that they would be as nice as could be until I broke a rule or stepped out of line and then I was convinced that I'd see their horns come out. So.... I never trusted them. Of course I was judging them harshly because of my past experiences with Jehovah's Witness elders.
And Jesus...... well He caught all of my pain and frustration....... I was upset because He had allowed me to go through these painful episodes and had done nothing to protect or save me from them. I supposed that because He hadn't intervened - He simply didn't care.
It had never dawned on me that everything that I went through was all a part of His divine plan for my life. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28.
Absolutely nothing that has ever happened to me has not been allowed by Jesus. Because He processes all power and control He could have easily shielded me from the pain of my past, but he chose not to done so. Do I understand why He allowed me to endure the things that I did? No. But I do believe that all of my experiences good and bad have made me into the person that I am today. I know that Jesus loves me and that I'm His, and if Jesus wants my mess to become my message; then so be it.
My message is simply this:
- Irregardless, of what's happened to me, I still love Jesus. In fact, I've had more of an opportunity then most folks to cling to Him because of not having parents.
- I still love people.
- But most importantly; my past did not make me a victim, instead it created a survivor!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever wonder why the rear view mirror in your car is so small? Could it be because focusing on where your going is more important then looking back on where you've been? I mean can you imagine what kind of calamity would happen if you tried to drive your automobile using only your rear view mirror? Trust me, with even the best case scenario, nothing good would come of it. And if you persisted in driving in this crazy fashion, I can almost guarantee you that if a judge didn't take away your licence or order you in lock down, you'd at the minimum be riding a bus,taking a bicycle, or simply walking.
This is exactly how living in the past is. I mean think about it; we've already been there and we can not go back, so the only rational thing to do is to keep moving forward, but instead we keep looking back and we run the risk of crashing into a large obstacle. I've been very guilty of this for the majority of my life.
Truthfully, being disfellowshipped as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and losing all of my family and friends left a big scar. I'm not denying the pain, but I almost allowed that one experience to ruin any other relationships that I may have came into contact with. Trust was a big issue for me. I reasoned that if I couldn't even trust my parents or friends whom I had known my entire life, then I simply couldn't trust anybody, not even Jesus. Oh, how wrong I was.
I believe that always focusing on your past obscures your view of the future. For example; whenever I met new people especially Christians; my invisible wall automatically went up. I concluded that if I made a mistake they would reject me, so I stood ready to reject them first. And Pastors didn't stand a chance as far as I was concerned. I reasoned that they would be as nice as could be until I broke a rule or stepped out of line and then I was convinced that I'd see their horns come out. So.... I never trusted them. Of course I was judging them harshly because of my past experiences with Jehovah's Witness elders.
And Jesus...... well He caught all of my pain and frustration....... I was upset because He had allowed me to go through these painful episodes and had done nothing to protect or save me from them. I supposed that because He hadn't intervened - He simply didn't care.
It had never dawned on me that everything that I went through was all a part of His divine plan for my life. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28.
Absolutely nothing that has ever happened to me has not been allowed by Jesus. Because He processes all power and control He could have easily shielded me from the pain of my past, but he chose not to done so. Do I understand why He allowed me to endure the things that I did? No. But I do believe that all of my experiences good and bad have made me into the person that I am today. I know that Jesus loves me and that I'm His, and if Jesus wants my mess to become my message; then so be it.
My message is simply this:
- Irregardless, of what's happened to me, I still love Jesus. In fact, I've had more of an opportunity then most folks to cling to Him because of not having parents.
- I still love people.
- But most importantly; my past did not make me a victim, instead it created a survivor!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Are You Gonna Surrender?
"You better give up it's time to stop running it's the end of the line, it's time to surrender. Hands up turn it around fall to the ground are you gonna surrender?" Third Day.
"Therefore submit to God." James 4:7a.
I'm becoming increasingly more aware of the fast that I need to surrender my life, will and everything over to Jesus Christ. Surrender and submit both mean literally the same thing. Both words imply "giving up, and allowing oneself to be voluntarily placed under the authority of someone else. This week I asked Jesus what I needed to do in order to be in a deeper relationship with Him and he told me, "completely surrender and submit your life over to me." When I heard these words I literally cried. Because immediately I realized that I've never completely surrendered to anyone.
My past has been trashed by abuse and instances where surrendering and submitting would have been the death of me. In fact, it was precisely not surrendering that saved me. I mean let's look at the evidence. Had I surrendered completely I would still be one of Jehovah's Witnesses today. I would still be sick from the Bulima and I'd still be a smoker. One can surrender to anything; good or bad. A person can easily succumb to the power of any addiction. It is my opinion that you surrender to anything when you give your power away to that particular object. So the words submission and surrender were not in my vocabulary. However, I do not believe for a second that Jesus would ever ask me to do something that I couldn't do. He knows that I'm ready, now I just need to know it.
I have always controlled myself and I like it. Cause if I'm controlling myself I'm calling the shots, playing it safe and protecting me. At least I know that I won't allow myself to be hurt.
However, what I think that I'm really dealing with here is ghosts from the past. In order to completely submit and surrender to Jesus, I must trust Him. Now, in the beginning I said, "No, I will never completely trust anyone ever again, not after my parents and all those other people ended up hurting me." But then I really thought about it. Was I being fair to hold Jesus accountable for everyone else? Next, I had to consider the evidence. When I think about it; every single time that I've ever needed Jesus, He's always came through.... So I already know that He can be trusted. My Pastor believes that Christians need to sit up literal monuments to serve as reminders of times when Jesus has came through for them. For example; if a person gets healed mark it. If a person is blessed with more finances mark it,,,etc. I have to say that I agree with him because I've had many blessings throughout my life but sometimes I just forget them.
Another reason that I know that I can fully submit and surrender to Jesus is because of His character. He never changes, He does not lie, and most importantly, if we belong to Him, He promises to supply everything that we need! In reality; we either believe that He is who He says He is and He'll do what He says He'll do or we don't. Jesus don't want no wishy-washy followers.
So........after all the evidence is taken into consideration my verdict is that surrender and submit, I must. Now I just have to figure out how.
"Therefore submit to God." James 4:7a.
I'm becoming increasingly more aware of the fast that I need to surrender my life, will and everything over to Jesus Christ. Surrender and submit both mean literally the same thing. Both words imply "giving up, and allowing oneself to be voluntarily placed under the authority of someone else. This week I asked Jesus what I needed to do in order to be in a deeper relationship with Him and he told me, "completely surrender and submit your life over to me." When I heard these words I literally cried. Because immediately I realized that I've never completely surrendered to anyone.
My past has been trashed by abuse and instances where surrendering and submitting would have been the death of me. In fact, it was precisely not surrendering that saved me. I mean let's look at the evidence. Had I surrendered completely I would still be one of Jehovah's Witnesses today. I would still be sick from the Bulima and I'd still be a smoker. One can surrender to anything; good or bad. A person can easily succumb to the power of any addiction. It is my opinion that you surrender to anything when you give your power away to that particular object. So the words submission and surrender were not in my vocabulary. However, I do not believe for a second that Jesus would ever ask me to do something that I couldn't do. He knows that I'm ready, now I just need to know it.
I have always controlled myself and I like it. Cause if I'm controlling myself I'm calling the shots, playing it safe and protecting me. At least I know that I won't allow myself to be hurt.
However, what I think that I'm really dealing with here is ghosts from the past. In order to completely submit and surrender to Jesus, I must trust Him. Now, in the beginning I said, "No, I will never completely trust anyone ever again, not after my parents and all those other people ended up hurting me." But then I really thought about it. Was I being fair to hold Jesus accountable for everyone else? Next, I had to consider the evidence. When I think about it; every single time that I've ever needed Jesus, He's always came through.... So I already know that He can be trusted. My Pastor believes that Christians need to sit up literal monuments to serve as reminders of times when Jesus has came through for them. For example; if a person gets healed mark it. If a person is blessed with more finances mark it,,,etc. I have to say that I agree with him because I've had many blessings throughout my life but sometimes I just forget them.
Another reason that I know that I can fully submit and surrender to Jesus is because of His character. He never changes, He does not lie, and most importantly, if we belong to Him, He promises to supply everything that we need! In reality; we either believe that He is who He says He is and He'll do what He says He'll do or we don't. Jesus don't want no wishy-washy followers.
So........after all the evidence is taken into consideration my verdict is that surrender and submit, I must. Now I just have to figure out how.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Dance
"I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance." Garth Brooks.
It's been nearly three weeks since the passing of my best friend and Grandmother; Lena. Although it's just been a matter of weeks it feels like years. I honestly believe that death has a way of slowing down time. Which is weird because all I've ever heard about getting over the death of a loved one is that the passing of time is the only thing that helps. Kind of a catch 22.
There isn't a single emotion that I haven't gone through. I've went from anger, sadness, carelessness, denial, back to anger and carelessness. I've suffered loss of appetite, insomnia, periods of sobbing, etc. But for the past week, I've just felt heavy. I think that it has taken this long for the truth to actually sink in. The cold hard reality is that a cherished part of my life is really gone and she isn't coming back. What hurts even more is that there's no way to bring her back. This realization has brought me more pain than I ever could have imagined.
My Grandmother and I had talked about her death in great detail. I remember this one conversation that we had when I asked her, "What will I do when you die, Grandma?" She just looked at me, thought about what I asked her and replied, "When I do finally go, just thank the good Lord for having me as long as you did." At the time that comment seemed like the most responsible thing to do. However, it's much harder now that the time is finally here.
I'm actually at the point where I don't think about her ever single second but instead of that being comforting it's a little scary because I'm afraid that eventually I'll forget something about her.
Death has a way of forcing a person to create a new and different life. What I mean is: a person has to adjust to living without the other person in it. It's strange but accept for certain items and memories,it's like the person never existed.
I can say with all certainty that the only way that I've gotten through this is by running to Jesus. I've cried out to Him literally ever hour of the day. He is the only reason that I haven't pulled the covers over my head and just "wallowed" (thanks Pastor Ron) in my own misery.
When every thing is said and done I know that even if I had to go through this pain all over again in order to have a relationship with my dear, friend, that I'd do it without a moments hesitation. Cause I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance, and I would not have missed out on the opportunity of loving my Grandmother for the entire world.
It's been nearly three weeks since the passing of my best friend and Grandmother; Lena. Although it's just been a matter of weeks it feels like years. I honestly believe that death has a way of slowing down time. Which is weird because all I've ever heard about getting over the death of a loved one is that the passing of time is the only thing that helps. Kind of a catch 22.
There isn't a single emotion that I haven't gone through. I've went from anger, sadness, carelessness, denial, back to anger and carelessness. I've suffered loss of appetite, insomnia, periods of sobbing, etc. But for the past week, I've just felt heavy. I think that it has taken this long for the truth to actually sink in. The cold hard reality is that a cherished part of my life is really gone and she isn't coming back. What hurts even more is that there's no way to bring her back. This realization has brought me more pain than I ever could have imagined.
My Grandmother and I had talked about her death in great detail. I remember this one conversation that we had when I asked her, "What will I do when you die, Grandma?" She just looked at me, thought about what I asked her and replied, "When I do finally go, just thank the good Lord for having me as long as you did." At the time that comment seemed like the most responsible thing to do. However, it's much harder now that the time is finally here.
I'm actually at the point where I don't think about her ever single second but instead of that being comforting it's a little scary because I'm afraid that eventually I'll forget something about her.
Death has a way of forcing a person to create a new and different life. What I mean is: a person has to adjust to living without the other person in it. It's strange but accept for certain items and memories,it's like the person never existed.
I can say with all certainty that the only way that I've gotten through this is by running to Jesus. I've cried out to Him literally ever hour of the day. He is the only reason that I haven't pulled the covers over my head and just "wallowed" (thanks Pastor Ron) in my own misery.
When every thing is said and done I know that even if I had to go through this pain all over again in order to have a relationship with my dear, friend, that I'd do it without a moments hesitation. Cause I could have missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance, and I would not have missed out on the opportunity of loving my Grandmother for the entire world.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Oh Lord It's Hard To Be Human
"But you love me anyway. It's like noting in life, that's I've ever known, yes, you love me anyway. Oh Lord, how you love me."
As far as I'm concerned there are only two absolutes in my life. One, I'm definitely human and two; God chooses to love me in spite of myself. That really is amazing when I stop and think about it. The love of our Heavenly Father is remarkable. What really gets me is that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to earn it. There is nothing that I can do to deserve it, never the less, He continues to give it away "freely" to each one of us, even the ones who flat out reject Him. "For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike." Matthew 5:45b.
I mean think about it; we are nothing special because we love God. Rather, we are special because He loves us. I don't know about you but that just gives me warm fuzzes all over.
When I think about "all" the times that I've fallen short of His commandments I'm over whelmed by the fact that He still even wants to talk to me. Yet, each time that I have fallen short, and confessed my mistake He has always said, "I-yes, I alone-will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again." Isaiah 43:25. In my opinion this is one of the most powerful verses in the entire Bible. God doesn't say that He forgets our mistakes for our sakes, He say's that He forgets our short comings for His sake! He wants to love us! Praise God! He genuinely wants to love us! That is a remarkable, humbling, thought.
I think that the reason that He chooses to do this is because He's Papa.
Although I am imperfect, I'm a parent. And being a mother or father is the closest thing that I can think of to anything that even closely resembles the love of God. My nine year old can definitely test and try my patience. She can really make some bad choices and she has. With each unwise choice that she's ever made (and believe me, she's made them) I still love her, I've never stopped, even when her actions mean administering a consequence. I address the situation that's immediately at hand, hand down the sentence and then I move on. This is exactly what God does!
Jesus said that if we as imperfect and wicked people know how to extend love and good things to our children, how much more so can our perfect father in heaven do so for His.
At the beginning of this blog I quoted the lyrics to a song: "He loves me anyway." These are not just pretty words; they are truth. God has loved me my entire life and I'm just now starting to realize just how much.
So, is it hard to be human? Yes. Do we make mistakes? Yes. However, I'm here to tell you that God loves you in spite of everything, and He loves you through everything. Not because of what you've done, but because of who He is. And who is He? He's PAPA. He is love. He simply can not be anything else. Wow!
As far as I'm concerned there are only two absolutes in my life. One, I'm definitely human and two; God chooses to love me in spite of myself. That really is amazing when I stop and think about it. The love of our Heavenly Father is remarkable. What really gets me is that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to earn it. There is nothing that I can do to deserve it, never the less, He continues to give it away "freely" to each one of us, even the ones who flat out reject Him. "For He gives His sunlight to both the evil and the good, and He sends rain on the just and the unjust alike." Matthew 5:45b.
I mean think about it; we are nothing special because we love God. Rather, we are special because He loves us. I don't know about you but that just gives me warm fuzzes all over.
When I think about "all" the times that I've fallen short of His commandments I'm over whelmed by the fact that He still even wants to talk to me. Yet, each time that I have fallen short, and confessed my mistake He has always said, "I-yes, I alone-will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again." Isaiah 43:25. In my opinion this is one of the most powerful verses in the entire Bible. God doesn't say that He forgets our mistakes for our sakes, He say's that He forgets our short comings for His sake! He wants to love us! Praise God! He genuinely wants to love us! That is a remarkable, humbling, thought.
I think that the reason that He chooses to do this is because He's Papa.
Although I am imperfect, I'm a parent. And being a mother or father is the closest thing that I can think of to anything that even closely resembles the love of God. My nine year old can definitely test and try my patience. She can really make some bad choices and she has. With each unwise choice that she's ever made (and believe me, she's made them) I still love her, I've never stopped, even when her actions mean administering a consequence. I address the situation that's immediately at hand, hand down the sentence and then I move on. This is exactly what God does!
Jesus said that if we as imperfect and wicked people know how to extend love and good things to our children, how much more so can our perfect father in heaven do so for His.
At the beginning of this blog I quoted the lyrics to a song: "He loves me anyway." These are not just pretty words; they are truth. God has loved me my entire life and I'm just now starting to realize just how much.
So, is it hard to be human? Yes. Do we make mistakes? Yes. However, I'm here to tell you that God loves you in spite of everything, and He loves you through everything. Not because of what you've done, but because of who He is. And who is He? He's PAPA. He is love. He simply can not be anything else. Wow!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Never Allow Your Past to Determine Your Future.
"I focus on this one thing: forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." Philippians 3:13.
Exactly 10 days ago my Grandmother Lena passed away. I can honestly say that although I loved her dearly, I never really knew her. Something happened to Grandma that changed her life and personality forever.
On a crisp March morning in 1942 my Grandmother walked out of the front door of her tiny two room house to go and draw some drinking water from her neighbors well. She quickly assessed the situation and decided to leave her three children, all under the age of 5, at home. There was just no way that she could possibly manage to control the hyper 5 year old, while carrying the 2 year old on one hip, and still hold the sleeping 6 month old, and still have a hand left over to carry buckets of water down the steep hill. She concluded that the trip on foot would take less than ten minutes and she'd be right back.
Grandma had no sooner gotten the water when she heard shouts from passersby warning that a house was on fire! Call it a mothers intuition, or simply call it a knowing, but Grandma knew immediately that it was her house that was up in flames and she also knew that her three babies were still trapped on the inside. Next, she dropped her buckets of water and immediately ran with bare feet up the rocky incline to what once had been her house. Unfortunately, it was too late, the fire was out of control and the children could not be rescued.
No mother should ever go through what my Grandmother went through. I'm sure that the pain that she felt and tears that she cried were innumerable. But the biggest tragedy of all; was that Grandma stayed trapped in the past and never got on with the future. She stayed a prisoner of her pain and she built a wall around her heart and she never allowed anyone inside, not even God. She never spoke of the fire or the deaths of her children unless someone forced her to, and that someone was always me. I can tell you that when she did speak of the fire she'd get very uncomfortable. Her eyes would start to dart around the room and she would look at everything but my face. I understood that the experience was very painful for her and that's why I wanted her to talk about it.
I wish that I could say that Grandma used her pain to comfort others, but she didn't. I would love to tell you that she completely let go of the past and trusted God in the last days of her life, but she didn't.
When I walked into the funeral home 6 days ago: my first thought was that time had ran out. She had no more tomorrows to live. No more chances to laugh, had no more opportunities to forgive and forget, or be a blessing to someone else. There were no more chances to reach out to other hurting mothers who may have lost children. The truth is; unlimited potential died with Grandma. She could have absolutely rocked this world with her experiences and wisdom, but instead it all stayed locked inside and was buried with her.
Believe it or not, I've learned more from Grandma's death then I did from her life.
In my last couple of blog posts I've complained how that being raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses has prevented me from fully trusting others and therefore I concluded that because I couldn't trust others, than I couldn't trust God completely. Why it's been so easy for me to blame God for everything that has happened to me in my past I'll never know. Why I would count all other people as untrustworthy just because I was mistreated by one religious group no longer makes any sense.
Take the advice of someone who has had to learn a hard lesson; if you want any kind of successful future, you must close and lock the door on the past. Then you must determine to fix you focus on what lies ahead in the future. At long last I've learned that my past did not keep me from my future, I did. I'm the one who determines whether I control my past, or my past controls me.
Exactly 10 days ago my Grandmother Lena passed away. I can honestly say that although I loved her dearly, I never really knew her. Something happened to Grandma that changed her life and personality forever.
On a crisp March morning in 1942 my Grandmother walked out of the front door of her tiny two room house to go and draw some drinking water from her neighbors well. She quickly assessed the situation and decided to leave her three children, all under the age of 5, at home. There was just no way that she could possibly manage to control the hyper 5 year old, while carrying the 2 year old on one hip, and still hold the sleeping 6 month old, and still have a hand left over to carry buckets of water down the steep hill. She concluded that the trip on foot would take less than ten minutes and she'd be right back.
Grandma had no sooner gotten the water when she heard shouts from passersby warning that a house was on fire! Call it a mothers intuition, or simply call it a knowing, but Grandma knew immediately that it was her house that was up in flames and she also knew that her three babies were still trapped on the inside. Next, she dropped her buckets of water and immediately ran with bare feet up the rocky incline to what once had been her house. Unfortunately, it was too late, the fire was out of control and the children could not be rescued.
No mother should ever go through what my Grandmother went through. I'm sure that the pain that she felt and tears that she cried were innumerable. But the biggest tragedy of all; was that Grandma stayed trapped in the past and never got on with the future. She stayed a prisoner of her pain and she built a wall around her heart and she never allowed anyone inside, not even God. She never spoke of the fire or the deaths of her children unless someone forced her to, and that someone was always me. I can tell you that when she did speak of the fire she'd get very uncomfortable. Her eyes would start to dart around the room and she would look at everything but my face. I understood that the experience was very painful for her and that's why I wanted her to talk about it.
I wish that I could say that Grandma used her pain to comfort others, but she didn't. I would love to tell you that she completely let go of the past and trusted God in the last days of her life, but she didn't.
When I walked into the funeral home 6 days ago: my first thought was that time had ran out. She had no more tomorrows to live. No more chances to laugh, had no more opportunities to forgive and forget, or be a blessing to someone else. There were no more chances to reach out to other hurting mothers who may have lost children. The truth is; unlimited potential died with Grandma. She could have absolutely rocked this world with her experiences and wisdom, but instead it all stayed locked inside and was buried with her.
Believe it or not, I've learned more from Grandma's death then I did from her life.
In my last couple of blog posts I've complained how that being raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses has prevented me from fully trusting others and therefore I concluded that because I couldn't trust others, than I couldn't trust God completely. Why it's been so easy for me to blame God for everything that has happened to me in my past I'll never know. Why I would count all other people as untrustworthy just because I was mistreated by one religious group no longer makes any sense.
Take the advice of someone who has had to learn a hard lesson; if you want any kind of successful future, you must close and lock the door on the past. Then you must determine to fix you focus on what lies ahead in the future. At long last I've learned that my past did not keep me from my future, I did. I'm the one who determines whether I control my past, or my past controls me.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Is Faith Possible?
It seems that everywhere I look in the Bible I am reminded to trust God. I'm warned that, "Without faith it is impossible to please Him. Guess my question is; Is it possible for me to fully trust God when I don't even fully trust humans? I would assume that trust would have to come first before faith ever could.
Trust is; the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Whereas, faith is; complete trust. It is my opinion that trust has to come first.
In an ideal world where children are loved, valued and unconditionally accepted by their parents, they learn that the world is good and that people are safe. However, in a dysfunctional world (like the world I grew up in) where children were treated as inferior, where they were to be seen and not heard and constantly degraded, and what little bit of love that they got was always based on conditions, the children see the world and other people as unsafe, untrustworthy and uncaring. Ironically, this was not God's intended purpose. Because from all the research I've ever read, babies are born into this world with the innate ability to automatically trust. When a baby is first born they cry in order to get their basic needs met. When the cries and needs are responded to the infant learns very quickly that crying does the trick. However, in some case's where abuse and neglect has played a major factor the studies have shown that some infants whose needs go unattended over an extended period of time will eventually stop crying altogether. My point is: we all have learned how to survive from what our environments have taught us.
Then if the person has suffered from any type of social, peer or authoritative abuse (minsters, or school teachers) this only serves to enhance the mistrust. Then to put the icing on the cake, for those same children to be brought up in a strict, religious organization where they are repeatedly taught that God's love and acceptance are only available if they do everything exactly right; the odds of them growing up to become adults who just trust everyone is slim to none.
I'm beginning to believe that it is unrealistic to expect someone who has been a victim of; physical, emotional, verbal, mental and spiritual abuse to automatically trust; even God. Here's the funny thing, I want to. I desperately want to "totally" trust Jesus. But I know Him well enough to know that pretending to do something that I do not really mean or believe is far worse than not doing it at all.
Please understand that I am not confronting these issues to be negative or to gain sympathy. But these feelings do exist and ignoring them is only serving to keep me sicker. And God is a God of "Truth". If I cannot take my fears and frustrations to Him, then who can I take them to?
Honestly, what I'm truly tired of hearing is, "Just have faith, sister, God loves you". Are those words for my benefit or a quick response for others so that they can give an obligatory pat on the back and walk away unaffected?
Just allow me to say that I do believe that a person can not blame the past forever. We all must move forward at one point. However, my question still remains; how am I suppose to "fully" trust Jesus when I've yet to learn how to trust others. Unfortunately, trust and faith are not readily available. I mean I can't educate myself and obtain them, nor can I buy them. These are hard questions, but I can almost guarantee you that I'm not the only one who's asking them. Truth is; in the Christian community if a person makes statements like this, he or she is automatically labeled as a doubter or spiritually weak. And I think that this is sad. Paul said that as Christians, "We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice". Romans 12:15.
So,,,,,what's the solution? It would appear that only God holds the answer.
`
Trust is; the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Whereas, faith is; complete trust. It is my opinion that trust has to come first.
In an ideal world where children are loved, valued and unconditionally accepted by their parents, they learn that the world is good and that people are safe. However, in a dysfunctional world (like the world I grew up in) where children were treated as inferior, where they were to be seen and not heard and constantly degraded, and what little bit of love that they got was always based on conditions, the children see the world and other people as unsafe, untrustworthy and uncaring. Ironically, this was not God's intended purpose. Because from all the research I've ever read, babies are born into this world with the innate ability to automatically trust. When a baby is first born they cry in order to get their basic needs met. When the cries and needs are responded to the infant learns very quickly that crying does the trick. However, in some case's where abuse and neglect has played a major factor the studies have shown that some infants whose needs go unattended over an extended period of time will eventually stop crying altogether. My point is: we all have learned how to survive from what our environments have taught us.
Then if the person has suffered from any type of social, peer or authoritative abuse (minsters, or school teachers) this only serves to enhance the mistrust. Then to put the icing on the cake, for those same children to be brought up in a strict, religious organization where they are repeatedly taught that God's love and acceptance are only available if they do everything exactly right; the odds of them growing up to become adults who just trust everyone is slim to none.
I'm beginning to believe that it is unrealistic to expect someone who has been a victim of; physical, emotional, verbal, mental and spiritual abuse to automatically trust; even God. Here's the funny thing, I want to. I desperately want to "totally" trust Jesus. But I know Him well enough to know that pretending to do something that I do not really mean or believe is far worse than not doing it at all.
Please understand that I am not confronting these issues to be negative or to gain sympathy. But these feelings do exist and ignoring them is only serving to keep me sicker. And God is a God of "Truth". If I cannot take my fears and frustrations to Him, then who can I take them to?
Honestly, what I'm truly tired of hearing is, "Just have faith, sister, God loves you". Are those words for my benefit or a quick response for others so that they can give an obligatory pat on the back and walk away unaffected?
Just allow me to say that I do believe that a person can not blame the past forever. We all must move forward at one point. However, my question still remains; how am I suppose to "fully" trust Jesus when I've yet to learn how to trust others. Unfortunately, trust and faith are not readily available. I mean I can't educate myself and obtain them, nor can I buy them. These are hard questions, but I can almost guarantee you that I'm not the only one who's asking them. Truth is; in the Christian community if a person makes statements like this, he or she is automatically labeled as a doubter or spiritually weak. And I think that this is sad. Paul said that as Christians, "We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice". Romans 12:15.
So,,,,,what's the solution? It would appear that only God holds the answer.
`
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Will I Ever Feel Socially Accepted?
Before I felt convicted to give them up, one of my favorite things to do was watch horror movies. Halloween H20 was my pick and I must have watched it a couple hundred times. Lori, who just so happened to be the half sister of Michael Myers constantly looked over her shoulder because she lived in fear. Deep down inside she was afraid that her psycho stepbrother would somehow find her, and come back to murder her. As a result her life was in total shambles. She secretly drank too much, was overly protective of her teenage son and distanced herself from her boyfriend who was a counselor.
Finally, at one point when the pain became nearly unbearable she asks her boyfriend this question; "Do you think that it's possible to have something so bad happen to you that you never recover?" He replied, "I like to think that recovery is always possible." Although, this is a fictional line from a horror flick I can relate. I've asked myself the same question hundreds of times.
When I was nineteen years old I lost all of my family and all of my friends in one single day. I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses and my entire social world centered around this organization. Because I broke one of their rules I got tossed from the congregation while all of my social network was still inside. I was left with no contact whatsoever. I was alone, with no one. This type of traumatic experience can leave a scar. I know that it has for me.
I guess my question would be; "Do you think that it's possible to be so afraid of people leaving you that you never feel comfortable around them?' This is exactly the position that I find myself in. I mean I feel like I'm always in a catch 22, or double-bind. On the one hand: I love people, am very social and conversational. However, on the other hand: I am terrified of people, they make me nervous.
Honestly, I never knew how strong these feelings were until recently. See, in the past I've ran from one mega church to the next. I've happily slipped into large auditoriums and slipped out undetected. This was safe and I enjoyed the noncommittal feelings. The Pastor's were doing their own things and were much to busy to notice me, which suited me just fine. I could smile on the surface and cordially carry on small talk and kaboom that was it. Of course I didn't have to speak with anyone if I didn't want too. Ah,,, those were the good ole days.....
Around 2 months ago my family and I started attending a different church. This church is very small and very intimate. Everyone knows precisely when I come in and everyone knows when I leave. The Pastor is never doing his own thing and he never allows himself to become too busy to talk with his congregation. In fact, if a person doesn't find find him, he will find them.
This church is a supportive, nurturing, environment. Sounds like I would be perfectly at ease, doesn't it? But I'm mot. I'm terrified. Each week I have to fight down waves of panic before I even enter the building. It never fails that every time I approach these warm loving people, I have this intense feeling that they can't stand me, and they can't wait for me to leave so that they can talk about me. And if I see the caring Pastor approaching, I start to feel nauseous and my heart starts beating so fast that I'm afraid that it might come out of my chest. So, I immediately start asking him questions before he can ask me anything. Why do I have these reactions? At the moment I'm not sure, but I think that I can take an educated guess.
I'm afraid of not being socially accepted. Maybe, I'm still scarred from all of my friends and family abandoning me. Maybe, deep down inside, I'm afraid that if I make a mistake people will leave me. I'm not entirely sure if figuring out what triggers these feelings is important; all I know is that it's one of the most unpleasant feeling that I've ever experienced. So far, I've been successful at being social despite these feelings, but.... I literally don't know how to complete this sentence.
I believe that the secrets that we hold in the dark only serve to keep us sicker. If the devil can make us ashamed of them and afraid of telling other's what they are, then he has us right where he wants us. He does not want us to be free; instead, he wants us immobile and frozen in fear. So... I've made the decision to share my experiences so that I can stop carrying the burdens along and so that others who carry the same burden will realize that they are not by themselves.
"God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7. I'm still working on this promise, right now it's easier for me to read it, than to actually experience it.
Finally, at one point when the pain became nearly unbearable she asks her boyfriend this question; "Do you think that it's possible to have something so bad happen to you that you never recover?" He replied, "I like to think that recovery is always possible." Although, this is a fictional line from a horror flick I can relate. I've asked myself the same question hundreds of times.
When I was nineteen years old I lost all of my family and all of my friends in one single day. I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses and my entire social world centered around this organization. Because I broke one of their rules I got tossed from the congregation while all of my social network was still inside. I was left with no contact whatsoever. I was alone, with no one. This type of traumatic experience can leave a scar. I know that it has for me.
I guess my question would be; "Do you think that it's possible to be so afraid of people leaving you that you never feel comfortable around them?' This is exactly the position that I find myself in. I mean I feel like I'm always in a catch 22, or double-bind. On the one hand: I love people, am very social and conversational. However, on the other hand: I am terrified of people, they make me nervous.
Honestly, I never knew how strong these feelings were until recently. See, in the past I've ran from one mega church to the next. I've happily slipped into large auditoriums and slipped out undetected. This was safe and I enjoyed the noncommittal feelings. The Pastor's were doing their own things and were much to busy to notice me, which suited me just fine. I could smile on the surface and cordially carry on small talk and kaboom that was it. Of course I didn't have to speak with anyone if I didn't want too. Ah,,, those were the good ole days.....
Around 2 months ago my family and I started attending a different church. This church is very small and very intimate. Everyone knows precisely when I come in and everyone knows when I leave. The Pastor is never doing his own thing and he never allows himself to become too busy to talk with his congregation. In fact, if a person doesn't find find him, he will find them.
This church is a supportive, nurturing, environment. Sounds like I would be perfectly at ease, doesn't it? But I'm mot. I'm terrified. Each week I have to fight down waves of panic before I even enter the building. It never fails that every time I approach these warm loving people, I have this intense feeling that they can't stand me, and they can't wait for me to leave so that they can talk about me. And if I see the caring Pastor approaching, I start to feel nauseous and my heart starts beating so fast that I'm afraid that it might come out of my chest. So, I immediately start asking him questions before he can ask me anything. Why do I have these reactions? At the moment I'm not sure, but I think that I can take an educated guess.
I'm afraid of not being socially accepted. Maybe, I'm still scarred from all of my friends and family abandoning me. Maybe, deep down inside, I'm afraid that if I make a mistake people will leave me. I'm not entirely sure if figuring out what triggers these feelings is important; all I know is that it's one of the most unpleasant feeling that I've ever experienced. So far, I've been successful at being social despite these feelings, but.... I literally don't know how to complete this sentence.
I believe that the secrets that we hold in the dark only serve to keep us sicker. If the devil can make us ashamed of them and afraid of telling other's what they are, then he has us right where he wants us. He does not want us to be free; instead, he wants us immobile and frozen in fear. So... I've made the decision to share my experiences so that I can stop carrying the burdens along and so that others who carry the same burden will realize that they are not by themselves.
"God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7. I'm still working on this promise, right now it's easier for me to read it, than to actually experience it.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Do You Call Your "Earthly" Father by His First Name?
All growing up I did not know God by any other name besides Jehovah. If I made an innocent mistake and called Him; God, I would get a sharp rebuke from my mother, or by any other adult Jehovah Witness who just happened to be within ear shot.
I cannot tell you the times that I was reminded that God's name was Jehovah and that if I wanted Him to listen and receive my prayers than I'd better call Him by His personal name. For the typical witness using the name Jehovah is never an option, it's always a rule.
After I finally left the organization in 2003, I detested that name. I literally could not say it without a vile taste coming up into my throat. To be honest I never took the time to analyze why I felt this way, I merely assumed that I was repulsed by the name. How wrong I was.
One of the first things that I needed to establish is if the name "Jehovah" had any merit. In the Old Testament (OT) that was originally written in Hebrew the name "Yahweh" was repeatedly used. History reveals that ancient Hebrews changed the pronunciation of the word "Yahweh" to Jehovah. Which has been translated into the English word "LORD." In the original transcripts of scripture "Yahweh" appears over 6,000 times in the OT. In fact, research proves that "Yahweh" is the most frequently used name that God used to describe Himself in the OT. According to the founder and director of Single Life Ministry's Dick Purnell, "God deliberately calls Himself "Jehovah" throughout the OT to constantly remind us that He along processes the ultimate sovereignty; that is the right to rule over creation."
After taking this evidence into consideration, I concluded that the name "Jehovah" did have merit.
Next, I needed to dig deep and try and find out why I was so offended and agitated whenever I read or heard that name being used. What I found interesting about my logic was when I heard the name "Satan" being used I did not become offended or agitated. It's strange, but even the name of God's arch enemy didn't bother me, but one of the names used to identify the God of the OT did?
I have a theory that it was never the name "Jehovah" that offended me. Instead, it was the organization that promoted that name that ticked me off. The witness organization perverted that name, by verbally abusing me with it. By not allowing me the freedom of referring to God in a way that made me feel comfortable they took something that was made good and turned it into something bad. I mean think about it, if a man uses his belt to hold up his pants the belt has a good purpose. However, if he uses that same belt to beat his wife and kids, that belt then becomes a weapon instead of a piece of clothing.
So..... do I still find the name "Jehovah" offensive? No way. See, I've learned that "Jehovah" is my Father! He isn't just this authoritarian figure who is keeping close tabs on me, and when I fail to measure up, He's then gonna spatter my guts all over the place at the battle of Armageddon. Sadly, as a witness this is all that I had been taught about Jehovah and I can assure you that this is a very narrow view of God the Father.
However, I'd be lying if I said that it was easy for me to use the name Jehovah, because it was not. I can tell you that less than two years ago I still would not use the name. Thankfully I received a revelation that changed my life. "But when the right time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that He could adopt us as His very own children. And because we are His children, God sent the Spirit of His son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father." Now, you are no longer a slave but God's own child. Galatians 4: 4-7. God sent Jesus to buy freedom for me!!!!! I am His daughter, and because He has adopted me, I not only have the right to call Him Father, I have the right to call Him; Papa!!! And I do call Him that! I've called Him Papa for almost two years now. As soon as I got the understanding that I had the right to call God; Father, Daddy, Abba, or Papa the name "Jehovah" stopped being offensive!
Let me just leave everyone with this thought: How many father's do you know who allow or even want their children calling them by their first names? Finally, what did Jesus call God while He was on earth? What did He instruct "others" to call God when they prayed to Him in the Lord's Prayer? Think about it.
I cannot tell you the times that I was reminded that God's name was Jehovah and that if I wanted Him to listen and receive my prayers than I'd better call Him by His personal name. For the typical witness using the name Jehovah is never an option, it's always a rule.
After I finally left the organization in 2003, I detested that name. I literally could not say it without a vile taste coming up into my throat. To be honest I never took the time to analyze why I felt this way, I merely assumed that I was repulsed by the name. How wrong I was.
One of the first things that I needed to establish is if the name "Jehovah" had any merit. In the Old Testament (OT) that was originally written in Hebrew the name "Yahweh" was repeatedly used. History reveals that ancient Hebrews changed the pronunciation of the word "Yahweh" to Jehovah. Which has been translated into the English word "LORD." In the original transcripts of scripture "Yahweh" appears over 6,000 times in the OT. In fact, research proves that "Yahweh" is the most frequently used name that God used to describe Himself in the OT. According to the founder and director of Single Life Ministry's Dick Purnell, "God deliberately calls Himself "Jehovah" throughout the OT to constantly remind us that He along processes the ultimate sovereignty; that is the right to rule over creation."
After taking this evidence into consideration, I concluded that the name "Jehovah" did have merit.
Next, I needed to dig deep and try and find out why I was so offended and agitated whenever I read or heard that name being used. What I found interesting about my logic was when I heard the name "Satan" being used I did not become offended or agitated. It's strange, but even the name of God's arch enemy didn't bother me, but one of the names used to identify the God of the OT did?
I have a theory that it was never the name "Jehovah" that offended me. Instead, it was the organization that promoted that name that ticked me off. The witness organization perverted that name, by verbally abusing me with it. By not allowing me the freedom of referring to God in a way that made me feel comfortable they took something that was made good and turned it into something bad. I mean think about it, if a man uses his belt to hold up his pants the belt has a good purpose. However, if he uses that same belt to beat his wife and kids, that belt then becomes a weapon instead of a piece of clothing.
So..... do I still find the name "Jehovah" offensive? No way. See, I've learned that "Jehovah" is my Father! He isn't just this authoritarian figure who is keeping close tabs on me, and when I fail to measure up, He's then gonna spatter my guts all over the place at the battle of Armageddon. Sadly, as a witness this is all that I had been taught about Jehovah and I can assure you that this is a very narrow view of God the Father.
However, I'd be lying if I said that it was easy for me to use the name Jehovah, because it was not. I can tell you that less than two years ago I still would not use the name. Thankfully I received a revelation that changed my life. "But when the right time came, God sent His Son, born of a woman, subject to the law. God sent Him to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that He could adopt us as His very own children. And because we are His children, God sent the Spirit of His son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, "Abba, Father." Now, you are no longer a slave but God's own child. Galatians 4: 4-7. God sent Jesus to buy freedom for me!!!!! I am His daughter, and because He has adopted me, I not only have the right to call Him Father, I have the right to call Him; Papa!!! And I do call Him that! I've called Him Papa for almost two years now. As soon as I got the understanding that I had the right to call God; Father, Daddy, Abba, or Papa the name "Jehovah" stopped being offensive!
Let me just leave everyone with this thought: How many father's do you know who allow or even want their children calling them by their first names? Finally, what did Jesus call God while He was on earth? What did He instruct "others" to call God when they prayed to Him in the Lord's Prayer? Think about it.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Give Me a Hug; Get Away From Me
While some of us were fortunate enough to grow up with functional Jehovah's Witness parents, many of us were not. Unfortunately, I 'm one of them. My father had a depression problem and my Mother dealt with her anger issues by welding out discipline with a heavy hand.
I never knew what to expect from either one of my parents. For example; my father would be happy and talkative on Monday. He would want to spend time with me, he would want kisses and hugs, he would just want me near him. Then by Tuesday, he would become sullen, with - drawn and get agitated if I tried to even get close to him.
It constantly felt like I was in a continuous game of "heads or tails," I never knew which side of the coin that I would see. Because my life was so uncertain, I grew up in a constant state of panic. I walked on egg shells all of the time. Believe me that's not a good environment for anyone, but especially not for a child.
As early as I can remember when my father would walk into a room, I would flee to the safety of my bedroom. However, if my mom and sister were in the room when he walked in, I'd stay, but get as far away from him as I could manage. My one bit of contact with him was the mandatory hug and kiss before bed. Then even that changed when I was 10. One night right before bed, I debated on whether or not to kiss dad because I knew that he was in one of his moods, but my mom insisted. So, I tentatively approached him to give him a hug and kiss and he literally shoved me away. Initially, I cried. I felt unloved, hurt and rejected. However, after the shock of being pushed away wore off, I just got angry. First, I got upset with my father and then at myself. In the beginning I wondered what was wrong with him but then I wondered what was wrong with me. I reasoned that he didn't love me. That day I made a conscience decision to mentally and emotionally separate myself from my parents.
I wish that I could say that I had been able to resolve this issue with my father before his death is 1992, but I didn't. I wish that I could tell you that my mom and I have a loving relationship but we don't.
What really makes me sad about this whole situation is that my parents got involved in an organization that could not help them overcome a rocky past. We were taught to go to the elders with our problems, but the elders had family problems of their own. The truth is; even if a person did go to the elders, they would not step in and help because they were not equipped to do so.
I remember once being at a meeting and an elder gave a talk on self-control and he specifically talked about how fathers were to be gentle and sit an example for their families. Now what was ironic about this statement is that my father had just came home the day before and thrown a coffee cup against the wall, shattering it into a million pierces, then he picked up my mom's defenseless houseplant and slammed it down on the carpet for apparently no reason. So... I supposed that Jehovah was giving me a nudge to talk with the elder about my father's behavior, I mean I reasoned that my father was not doing what was pleasing to Jehovah. To make a long story short; the elder rebuked me for being disobedient to my father, and strongly advised me to allow my mother to handle our family problems in the future.
As you've probably already guessed growing up witness is difficult enough, but growing up witness with dysfunctional parents is down right unbearable.
Because of the way that I grew up and the sickly relationship between me and my parents it has taken me many years to work through my fear of God. In the beginning I simply could not grasp the ideal that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me. Not having an earthly father or mother to compare Him with, I had a difficult time even getting my thoughts around the concept. I still struggle with this undeniable truth. "And because we are His children, God has sent the spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out , "Abba, Father." Galatians 4: 6. Interestingly, I've never had a problem calling God, Papa. My difficulty arises when I need a soft place to fall, or I need His help with something.
I'm certain that many ex Jehovah's Witnesses have dealt with or are dealing with this problem. Something that has really helped me is realizing that I can't trust my emotions.My emotions are sometimes wounded and they change, however God doesn't. "He is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8. God loves me; how do I know? Because the Bible tells me so!
I never knew what to expect from either one of my parents. For example; my father would be happy and talkative on Monday. He would want to spend time with me, he would want kisses and hugs, he would just want me near him. Then by Tuesday, he would become sullen, with - drawn and get agitated if I tried to even get close to him.
It constantly felt like I was in a continuous game of "heads or tails," I never knew which side of the coin that I would see. Because my life was so uncertain, I grew up in a constant state of panic. I walked on egg shells all of the time. Believe me that's not a good environment for anyone, but especially not for a child.
As early as I can remember when my father would walk into a room, I would flee to the safety of my bedroom. However, if my mom and sister were in the room when he walked in, I'd stay, but get as far away from him as I could manage. My one bit of contact with him was the mandatory hug and kiss before bed. Then even that changed when I was 10. One night right before bed, I debated on whether or not to kiss dad because I knew that he was in one of his moods, but my mom insisted. So, I tentatively approached him to give him a hug and kiss and he literally shoved me away. Initially, I cried. I felt unloved, hurt and rejected. However, after the shock of being pushed away wore off, I just got angry. First, I got upset with my father and then at myself. In the beginning I wondered what was wrong with him but then I wondered what was wrong with me. I reasoned that he didn't love me. That day I made a conscience decision to mentally and emotionally separate myself from my parents.
I wish that I could say that I had been able to resolve this issue with my father before his death is 1992, but I didn't. I wish that I could tell you that my mom and I have a loving relationship but we don't.
What really makes me sad about this whole situation is that my parents got involved in an organization that could not help them overcome a rocky past. We were taught to go to the elders with our problems, but the elders had family problems of their own. The truth is; even if a person did go to the elders, they would not step in and help because they were not equipped to do so.
I remember once being at a meeting and an elder gave a talk on self-control and he specifically talked about how fathers were to be gentle and sit an example for their families. Now what was ironic about this statement is that my father had just came home the day before and thrown a coffee cup against the wall, shattering it into a million pierces, then he picked up my mom's defenseless houseplant and slammed it down on the carpet for apparently no reason. So... I supposed that Jehovah was giving me a nudge to talk with the elder about my father's behavior, I mean I reasoned that my father was not doing what was pleasing to Jehovah. To make a long story short; the elder rebuked me for being disobedient to my father, and strongly advised me to allow my mother to handle our family problems in the future.
As you've probably already guessed growing up witness is difficult enough, but growing up witness with dysfunctional parents is down right unbearable.
Because of the way that I grew up and the sickly relationship between me and my parents it has taken me many years to work through my fear of God. In the beginning I simply could not grasp the ideal that I had a Heavenly Father who loved me. Not having an earthly father or mother to compare Him with, I had a difficult time even getting my thoughts around the concept. I still struggle with this undeniable truth. "And because we are His children, God has sent the spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out , "Abba, Father." Galatians 4: 6. Interestingly, I've never had a problem calling God, Papa. My difficulty arises when I need a soft place to fall, or I need His help with something.
I'm certain that many ex Jehovah's Witnesses have dealt with or are dealing with this problem. Something that has really helped me is realizing that I can't trust my emotions.My emotions are sometimes wounded and they change, however God doesn't. "He is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8. God loves me; how do I know? Because the Bible tells me so!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Paradise Without Jesus
John Piper said, "The critical question for our generation and for every generation is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"
I was taught as one of Jehovah's Witnesses that because I was not one of the elite 144,000 I would never see Jesus face to face. To be honest as a zealous witness I didn't question how I felt about never seeing him, I simply embraced what the Watchtower taught me. I dutifully accepted my reward of being part of the "great crowd" who were to live forever on earth. I would be granted a perfect body, perfect health, perfect living conditions. Everything would be perfect. Except, there would be no Jesus. I was taught that He would rule over me "invisibly," but I would never be granted the privilege of physically approaching Him, or speaking with Him.
Now, the very thought of living forever in paradise on earth without Jesus is no longer appealing. I want for myself the same reward that He promised His apostles. "There is more than enough room in my father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am." John 14:2,3. His disciple's had grown accustomed to being with Jesus, and that's why their hearts were troubled that He was about to leave them. See John 14:1.
My step father (who is a one of Jehovah's Witnesses) recently asked me the question,"Kim, do you want to go to heaven?" My answer to him and anyone who wants to know is, Yes. I can honestly say that when the time comes I will gladly trade in this earthy body for my new heavenly one so that I can be with the Lord always. See 1 Corinthians 15:35-58.
I'd like to challenge anyone who might read this blog to ask yourself; If you truly are in a relationship with someone and you love them; would you eagerly be willing to spend an eternity without them in your presence? Would you gladly accept the meager invitation of never touching, seeing, or hearing them speak?
When we really think about this, the prospect of living forever without Father or Son actually walking next to us is not appealing. Think about it.
"
I was taught as one of Jehovah's Witnesses that because I was not one of the elite 144,000 I would never see Jesus face to face. To be honest as a zealous witness I didn't question how I felt about never seeing him, I simply embraced what the Watchtower taught me. I dutifully accepted my reward of being part of the "great crowd" who were to live forever on earth. I would be granted a perfect body, perfect health, perfect living conditions. Everything would be perfect. Except, there would be no Jesus. I was taught that He would rule over me "invisibly," but I would never be granted the privilege of physically approaching Him, or speaking with Him.
Now, the very thought of living forever in paradise on earth without Jesus is no longer appealing. I want for myself the same reward that He promised His apostles. "There is more than enough room in my father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am." John 14:2,3. His disciple's had grown accustomed to being with Jesus, and that's why their hearts were troubled that He was about to leave them. See John 14:1.
My step father (who is a one of Jehovah's Witnesses) recently asked me the question,"Kim, do you want to go to heaven?" My answer to him and anyone who wants to know is, Yes. I can honestly say that when the time comes I will gladly trade in this earthy body for my new heavenly one so that I can be with the Lord always. See 1 Corinthians 15:35-58.
I'd like to challenge anyone who might read this blog to ask yourself; If you truly are in a relationship with someone and you love them; would you eagerly be willing to spend an eternity without them in your presence? Would you gladly accept the meager invitation of never touching, seeing, or hearing them speak?
When we really think about this, the prospect of living forever without Father or Son actually walking next to us is not appealing. Think about it.
"
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Why I am Atheist no Longer.
The first 21 years of my life were spent with a book bag on my shoulder and the latest copies of the Watchtower and Awake magazines in my hands. Believe me, my childhood was far from easy or normal. While children my own age were watching the "Smurfs" on Saturday morning's I was out knocking on doors and getting chased by strange dogs. Sadly, when I wasn't knocking on doors, I was either going to meetings or preparing to go to meetings.
I never really took the time to consider that my life wasn't normal because this is what my family did. That's not to say that there weren't plenty of times when I didn't complain about going to the meetings or having to participate in field service, but with every complaint that I made my mom would rebuke me with, "Kim, you are not a true friend of Jehovah." Eventually, I learned to keep my mouth shut and just do it.
For 21 years I was forced to serve a God who I had no relationship with and didn't even love. It is my opinion that forced love isn't love at all, it's control.
After escaping the organization I wanted absolutely nothing to do with religion or God. I denied the Bible, Father and Son at every given opportunity. In college I took delight in composing essays on how God and the Bible were phony. If there was a Christian around, I would start a debate with them. I went out of my way trying to make other's feel insecure about their beliefs, because deep down inside I was insecure about my own. Even though out of my mouth, I was professing, "There is no God," intellectually, I realized that I couldn't prove that God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit did not exist. Nor could I prove that the Bible was not written by men who were inspired by God.
One of the major reasons that I am no longer Atheist is because I met the Son. I love the Son. He is my friend and I know that He lives. How do I know that Jesus has the best deal to offer? Because, He has changed my life. Through studying His example in the Bible; Jesus has taught me about mercy, compassion and love. I think that it is impossible for anyone to apply the principles in the scriptures and not have a better life, or be a kinder person.
My atheist years were spent being frustrated because I wanted answers to everything. If I couldn't argue God intellectually then He didn't exist. How wrong I was. Humans can not answer everything. If anyone disputes that, then answer this, "Who laid the foundations of the earth? Who determined its dimensions and stretched out the surveys line? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone?" Job 38: 4-6. The truth is; human can not even answer simple questions about creation. If we can not answer questions about His creation, then how could we ever understand everything about the creator. "So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know Him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. It is foolish to the Jew's; who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it's all non-sense." 1 Corinthians 1: 20-23.
I must say that when I was an atheist I would defend my belief's, but I would not defend them to the point of discomfort or death, but Jesus I would. Not only does He offer a better life for me right now, He offers a indisputable future. No one offers anything better than that, and that's why I'm atheist no longer.
After escaping the organization I wanted absolutely nothing to do with religion or God. I denied the Bible, Father and Son at every given opportunity. In college I took delight in composing essays on how God and the Bible were phony. If there was a Christian around, I would start a debate with them. I went out of my way trying to make other's feel insecure about their beliefs, because deep down inside I was insecure about my own. Even though out of my mouth, I was professing, "There is no God," intellectually, I realized that I couldn't prove that God the Father, Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit did not exist. Nor could I prove that the Bible was not written by men who were inspired by God.
One of the major reasons that I am no longer Atheist is because I met the Son. I love the Son. He is my friend and I know that He lives. How do I know that Jesus has the best deal to offer? Because, He has changed my life. Through studying His example in the Bible; Jesus has taught me about mercy, compassion and love. I think that it is impossible for anyone to apply the principles in the scriptures and not have a better life, or be a kinder person.
My atheist years were spent being frustrated because I wanted answers to everything. If I couldn't argue God intellectually then He didn't exist. How wrong I was. Humans can not answer everything. If anyone disputes that, then answer this, "Who laid the foundations of the earth? Who determined its dimensions and stretched out the surveys line? What supports its foundations, and who laid its cornerstone?" Job 38: 4-6. The truth is; human can not even answer simple questions about creation. If we can not answer questions about His creation, then how could we ever understand everything about the creator. "So where does this leave the philosophers, the scholars, and the world's brilliant debaters? God has made the wisdom of this world look foolish. Since God in his wisdom saw to it that the world would never know Him through human wisdom, he has used our foolish preaching to save those who believe. It is foolish to the Jew's; who ask for signs from heaven. And it is foolish to the Greeks, who seek human wisdom. So when we preach that Christ was crucified, the Jews are offended and the Gentiles say it's all non-sense." 1 Corinthians 1: 20-23.
I must say that when I was an atheist I would defend my belief's, but I would not defend them to the point of discomfort or death, but Jesus I would. Not only does He offer a better life for me right now, He offers a indisputable future. No one offers anything better than that, and that's why I'm atheist no longer.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Now What?
So.... what is going to happen on the morning of May,22 2011? I can only assume that there will be many disappointed people. Literally, the only thing that can be said to Harold Camping's followers is; I'm sorry for your pain. However, experience is a very good teacher, and if you can use this new knowledge to help others and help you avoid making the same mistakes in the future then it's worth it.
I believe that there are three steps to use when determining whether or not a prophet or teacher is legitimate. I can guarantee that no false prophet can slip through these steps. If an organization or person fails in just one step,then I'm encouraging everyone to go against Granny's advice and "throw out the baby with the bath water."
The easiest way to spot a false teacher is to consider their history. If the person has made a false prediction in the past, then they are likely do it again. We do not allow false prophets a three strikes and your out courtesy. They are either hearing from God or they are not. "But any false prophet who falsely claims to speak in my name or who speaks in the name of another god must die. If a prophet speaks in the LORD's name but his prediction does not happen or come true, you will know that the LORD did not give that message. Deuteronomy 18: 20,22a. According to Jehovah, there are no second chances for false prophets.
After Harold Camping made the claim that the end was coming in 1994, when his prediction didn't take place then that should have been it. I don't know where he is getting his information, but he isn't getting it from God.
Another sure way to find out if a prophet is legitimate is to compare what they have said up against the word of God. Just because someone appears to be holy and seems to have an interesting argument does not mean that they are a teacher sent by God. Even the scriptures indicate that the devil poses as an angel of light and that he has the ability to deceive and mislead many. See 2 Corinthians 4:4. So then what's a person to do?
Jesus said, "If the blind lead the blind they both fall into a ditch." So, how can we avoid falling into a ditch? By developing the same attitude as the Bureans. "They listened eagerly to Paul's messages, and they searched the scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth." Acts 17:1. When a messenger's words do not measure up with the word of God they need to be discarded..
The final step when evaluating teachers is to take God's words over that of a man. The Bible warns us that in the last days we would have a problem with false prophets. Jesus said, "And many false prophets will appear and will deceive many people." Matthew 24: 11. Jesus could not have been more direct with His warning to us.
"Paul warned, "That in the last days there will be very difficult times. For men will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God." 2 Timothy 3:1,2. A boastful person says, "I know something that your incapable of knowing." A proud person says, "I don't care what you say, I'm right." I propose that Herold Campings has done both. In fact, he has went so far as to elevate his own words against the words of Jesus Christ. Jesus said, "However, no one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven, or the son himself. Only the father knows." Matthew 24:36. Jesus did not say that when we get close to the end someone would be given the actual date. He said, "No one knows." Harold Camping has placed his own thoughts and opinions above Jesus Christ. He has called Jesus Christ a liar.
But Jesus Christ is not a liar. So.... on the morning of May 22, 2011, just remember that God will always be found true, even when every other person is proven a liar.
I believe that there are three steps to use when determining whether or not a prophet or teacher is legitimate. I can guarantee that no false prophet can slip through these steps. If an organization or person fails in just one step,then I'm encouraging everyone to go against Granny's advice and "throw out the baby with the bath water."
The easiest way to spot a false teacher is to consider their history. If the person has made a false prediction in the past, then they are likely do it again. We do not allow false prophets a three strikes and your out courtesy. They are either hearing from God or they are not. "But any false prophet who falsely claims to speak in my name or who speaks in the name of another god must die. If a prophet speaks in the LORD's name but his prediction does not happen or come true, you will know that the LORD did not give that message. Deuteronomy 18: 20,22a. According to Jehovah, there are no second chances for false prophets.
After Harold Camping made the claim that the end was coming in 1994, when his prediction didn't take place then that should have been it. I don't know where he is getting his information, but he isn't getting it from God.
Another sure way to find out if a prophet is legitimate is to compare what they have said up against the word of God. Just because someone appears to be holy and seems to have an interesting argument does not mean that they are a teacher sent by God. Even the scriptures indicate that the devil poses as an angel of light and that he has the ability to deceive and mislead many. See 2 Corinthians 4:4. So then what's a person to do?
Jesus said, "If the blind lead the blind they both fall into a ditch." So, how can we avoid falling into a ditch? By developing the same attitude as the Bureans. "They listened eagerly to Paul's messages, and they searched the scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the truth." Acts 17:1. When a messenger's words do not measure up with the word of God they need to be discarded..
The final step when evaluating teachers is to take God's words over that of a man. The Bible warns us that in the last days we would have a problem with false prophets. Jesus said, "And many false prophets will appear and will deceive many people." Matthew 24: 11. Jesus could not have been more direct with His warning to us.
"Paul warned, "That in the last days there will be very difficult times. For men will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God." 2 Timothy 3:1,2. A boastful person says, "I know something that your incapable of knowing." A proud person says, "I don't care what you say, I'm right." I propose that Herold Campings has done both. In fact, he has went so far as to elevate his own words against the words of Jesus Christ. Jesus said, "However, no one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven, or the son himself. Only the father knows." Matthew 24:36. Jesus did not say that when we get close to the end someone would be given the actual date. He said, "No one knows." Harold Camping has placed his own thoughts and opinions above Jesus Christ. He has called Jesus Christ a liar.
But Jesus Christ is not a liar. So.... on the morning of May 22, 2011, just remember that God will always be found true, even when every other person is proven a liar.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Stepford Mentality
Yesterday, as I was waiting to pick up my daughter from school, I was approached by a warm, graceful woman, with a very friendly face. She smiled at me as she enthusiastically thrust into my hand the latest copies of the Watchtower and Awake magazine. Very politely I said, "Thank you, but I can not accept this. She asked, "Why?" And I said, "I am a Christ follower and I believe He is the one and only way to salvation." Much to my surprise the woman replied, "So do I."
Not wanting to kill my opportunity to witness to a witness, I neglected to mention the fact that I had been an active Jehovah's Witness for over 20 years. From my past experience I already knew the answer that she had given me was incorrect. Jehovah's Witnesses have never believed that Jesus Christ is the only means to salvation. Instead, they believe that a person must be one of Jehovah's Witnesses in order to be granted eternal life and spared from Jehovah's great day of judgement at Armageddon. This woman was was being dishonest with me, but I think that I know why.
One of my favorite movies is Stepford Wives. A very brief description of the movie is; husbands were moving their families to the town of Stepford. The men had all the power, and the women were excluded. In four months, the women were murdered by the men and replaced with identical looking, robots. Although on the outside the women appeared to be the same, on the inside they were non-thinking, preprogrammed machines.
I feel that this movie depicts perfectly what it's like to be a Jehovah's Witness. They are trained to give automatic responses without really thinking about the question. For example; if the Governing Body in Brooklyn, New York tells them that it's acceptable to lie to non JW's, then the members truly believe that it is acceptable. Even when the Bible condemns telling lies of any kind. I think that because the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society claims to be the only organization on earth who processes the truth, they actually feel that not only is it permissible to lie, but that they are doing the unsuspecting receiver a favor by lying to them. The witness has one agenda and goal in mind and that is; to establish trust, ward off any suspiciousness and ultimately start a home Bible study and eventually get the recipient baptized as another witness. Then kaboom; you are in line for everlasting life.
To people who have not been a witness it's easy to assume that what happens to members of this group is a result of the their own doing. Many conclude that the members are mentally weak, or just plain gullible, but this is a misconception, it is not the truth. Jehovah's Witness members are reprogrammed. This standard reprogramming process can happen in as little as two months or it could take as long as 10 years. In my experience the process did not happen all at once but a little at a time.
All the woman thought about yesterday after she heard me mention Jesus, was the preprogrammed response that she had been trained to give.
So...after five minutes of debating whether Jehovah's Witnesses consider Jesus Christ to be the only savour, I finally decided to switch approaches. I suddenly felt lead to look her in the eyes and ask her if she believed that a person had to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses in order to be saved? She side stepped the issue and never answered my question.
Why couldn't she answer my question? I believe that it's because just like the women in Stepford,when the question was not a part of the programming the women were caught off guard and clueless, and the same is true with Jehovah's Witnesses. When they have not been supplied with a response by the society they panic and say nothing because they are not sure about what to say.
I encourage everyone who is approached by one of Jehovah's Witnesses to take the time and talk with them. Ask them point blank if they believe that only Jehovah's Witnesses can be saved. Even if they do not answer take the time to show them from scripture that, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved." Romans 10: 9,10. Let them know that if they are using their mouths to promote any other means of salvation, that they are making the blood of Jesus invalid.
Not wanting to kill my opportunity to witness to a witness, I neglected to mention the fact that I had been an active Jehovah's Witness for over 20 years. From my past experience I already knew the answer that she had given me was incorrect. Jehovah's Witnesses have never believed that Jesus Christ is the only means to salvation. Instead, they believe that a person must be one of Jehovah's Witnesses in order to be granted eternal life and spared from Jehovah's great day of judgement at Armageddon. This woman was was being dishonest with me, but I think that I know why.
One of my favorite movies is Stepford Wives. A very brief description of the movie is; husbands were moving their families to the town of Stepford. The men had all the power, and the women were excluded. In four months, the women were murdered by the men and replaced with identical looking, robots. Although on the outside the women appeared to be the same, on the inside they were non-thinking, preprogrammed machines.
I feel that this movie depicts perfectly what it's like to be a Jehovah's Witness. They are trained to give automatic responses without really thinking about the question. For example; if the Governing Body in Brooklyn, New York tells them that it's acceptable to lie to non JW's, then the members truly believe that it is acceptable. Even when the Bible condemns telling lies of any kind. I think that because the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society claims to be the only organization on earth who processes the truth, they actually feel that not only is it permissible to lie, but that they are doing the unsuspecting receiver a favor by lying to them. The witness has one agenda and goal in mind and that is; to establish trust, ward off any suspiciousness and ultimately start a home Bible study and eventually get the recipient baptized as another witness. Then kaboom; you are in line for everlasting life.
To people who have not been a witness it's easy to assume that what happens to members of this group is a result of the their own doing. Many conclude that the members are mentally weak, or just plain gullible, but this is a misconception, it is not the truth. Jehovah's Witness members are reprogrammed. This standard reprogramming process can happen in as little as two months or it could take as long as 10 years. In my experience the process did not happen all at once but a little at a time.
All the woman thought about yesterday after she heard me mention Jesus, was the preprogrammed response that she had been trained to give.
So...after five minutes of debating whether Jehovah's Witnesses consider Jesus Christ to be the only savour, I finally decided to switch approaches. I suddenly felt lead to look her in the eyes and ask her if she believed that a person had to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses in order to be saved? She side stepped the issue and never answered my question.
Why couldn't she answer my question? I believe that it's because just like the women in Stepford,when the question was not a part of the programming the women were caught off guard and clueless, and the same is true with Jehovah's Witnesses. When they have not been supplied with a response by the society they panic and say nothing because they are not sure about what to say.
I encourage everyone who is approached by one of Jehovah's Witnesses to take the time and talk with them. Ask them point blank if they believe that only Jehovah's Witnesses can be saved. Even if they do not answer take the time to show them from scripture that, "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved." Romans 10: 9,10. Let them know that if they are using their mouths to promote any other means of salvation, that they are making the blood of Jesus invalid.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Harold Camping; The Man Behind the Judgement Day Billboards
My Grandmother always said that, "If a snake strikes once, they will strike again." According to Harold Camping, "Judgement Day and the end of the world positively, absolutely was to come sometime within the year of 1994. Considering the fact that we're still here, I'd dare to say that his prediction was incorrect. Apparently, his followers looking forward to May 21,2011 as their last day on earth have not bothered to look into this false prophets past.
Harold Camping is a student of Allegorical Interpretation. According to this study the scriptures never mean what they say, they always have a hidden meaning and that the true meaning of a scripture is only given to a few of God's chosen ones. An example of this is the scripture in John 21: 11. "So Simon Peter went abroad and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net had not broken." John 21:11. Harold claims that when a plain Jane reader like me, reads this scripture that I would immediately think that the number of fish would automatically mean, a number of fish. Well, I'd be wrong in my assumption. Because what Jesus really meant according to Herold was something far greater. According to Camping the 153 did not represent fish, but instead meant days.
He claims that 3x3x17=153 days. This in turn equals 5 months. Now the 17 stands for heaven, and the 3 represents God's purpose and the 3 doubled is to signify that God really means what He says. He has actually used this number in a small way to prove without a shadow of a doubt that Judgement Day will be here May 21, which is next month! That's an an example of allegorical interpretation.
Personally, I automatically get suspicious when a Bible preacher, or teacher claims that they are the only ones who understand a particular passage. This line of reasoning contradicts what Jesus Christ said about the Holy Spirit. "And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who who leads into all truth." John 18:16,17. Jesus gave each of His followers the gift of the Holy Spirit. And one of His main jobs is to lead each of Jesus' followers into "all truth."
I am not for a second disputing that Jehovah still does not have teachers and prophets on the earth today,what I am disputing is a minster or teacher contradicting what is in the word of God, Jesus said, "However no one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son Himself. Only the Father knows." Matthew 24: 36
If my blog sounds harsh today, allow me to say how Jehovah felt about a false prophet. "Jehovah said, "I will raise up a prophet like you from among the nation of Isreal. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything that I command him. But any prophet who falsely claims to speak in my name must die." Deuteronomy 18:18-20.
According to Jehovah's original law Brother Camping would have been put to death in 1994. Jehovah does not change, and I can assure you that if he disapproved so much of false prophets thousands of years ago, He still disapproves of them today.
However, if there is still anyone out there who is not convinced about Harold Camping, please feel free to check some of his methods out for yourself. wecanknow.com
Harold Camping is a student of Allegorical Interpretation. According to this study the scriptures never mean what they say, they always have a hidden meaning and that the true meaning of a scripture is only given to a few of God's chosen ones. An example of this is the scripture in John 21: 11. "So Simon Peter went abroad and dragged the net to the shore. There were 153 large fish, and yet the net had not broken." John 21:11. Harold claims that when a plain Jane reader like me, reads this scripture that I would immediately think that the number of fish would automatically mean, a number of fish. Well, I'd be wrong in my assumption. Because what Jesus really meant according to Herold was something far greater. According to Camping the 153 did not represent fish, but instead meant days.
He claims that 3x3x17=153 days. This in turn equals 5 months. Now the 17 stands for heaven, and the 3 represents God's purpose and the 3 doubled is to signify that God really means what He says. He has actually used this number in a small way to prove without a shadow of a doubt that Judgement Day will be here May 21, which is next month! That's an an example of allegorical interpretation.
Personally, I automatically get suspicious when a Bible preacher, or teacher claims that they are the only ones who understand a particular passage. This line of reasoning contradicts what Jesus Christ said about the Holy Spirit. "And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who who leads into all truth." John 18:16,17. Jesus gave each of His followers the gift of the Holy Spirit. And one of His main jobs is to lead each of Jesus' followers into "all truth."
I am not for a second disputing that Jehovah still does not have teachers and prophets on the earth today,what I am disputing is a minster or teacher contradicting what is in the word of God, Jesus said, "However no one knows the day or the hour when these things will happen, not even the angels in heaven or the Son Himself. Only the Father knows." Matthew 24: 36
If my blog sounds harsh today, allow me to say how Jehovah felt about a false prophet. "Jehovah said, "I will raise up a prophet like you from among the nation of Isreal. I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell the people everything that I command him. But any prophet who falsely claims to speak in my name must die." Deuteronomy 18:18-20.
According to Jehovah's original law Brother Camping would have been put to death in 1994. Jehovah does not change, and I can assure you that if he disapproved so much of false prophets thousands of years ago, He still disapproves of them today.
However, if there is still anyone out there who is not convinced about Harold Camping, please feel free to check some of his methods out for yourself. wecanknow.com
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Judgement Day is Coming!
Jehovah say's, "But you may wonder,"How will we know whether or not a prophecy is from the LORD? If a prophet speaks in the LORD'S name but his prediction does not happen, or come true you will know that the LORD did not give that message. That prophet has spoken without my authority and need not be feared." Deuteronomy 18: 22.
Throughout the remaining part of the 60's and early 70's all of Jehovah's Witnesses were emphatically encouraged to, "Stay alive until 75!" Jehovah had revealed His plan to a few of His chosen servants. By mathematical charts and human logic the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses predicted that Judgement Day and the end of time was coming sometime within the year of 1975. Consequently, followers of the Watchtower organization enthusacially embraced the announcement and quickly started making plans for the end of the present world.
Literally, thousands of trusting Witnesses decided that the most responsible thing to do would be to sell off most of their possessions and enter into the full-time door-to-door work. I think that it's important to add that nearly all of the profits went directly to the Watchtower organization in Brooklyn New York. I'm assuming that most of the people reasoned that they would not need money after "the end."
Another change that took place after the 1975 prediction was that sick, and dying people decided to stop taking much needed medications, and many chose to post pone life saving operations. Then....
On the morning of January 1, 1976 the witnesses woke up and they were still here. Jehovah hadn't come. Can you imagine how disappointed these people must have felt? Can you imagine the devastation for the individuals who had sold off all of their property?
So,how did all of this happen?
The truth is simply that the unsuspecting followers of the Watchtower Society had been taken in by false prophets. If this sounds harsh to anyone, let us take a look at the evidence. A prophet is someone who works for Jehovah. They are appointed and anointed to both guild and warn His people about events that will take place in the future. When a prophet receives words from Jehovah the words that they have spoken will most definitely, without a doubt, come true. However, if the predictions fail to come to pass, the warnings were not from God. Our Heavenly Father never makes a mistake, and He is never wrong.
So... we stand to reason that the members of the Governing Body who predicted the end in 1975 did not get their information from Jehovah!
Unfortunately, there is another group that has surfaced recently and they are predicting that Judgement day will be here on May 21, 2011. I'm certain that the individuals responsible for this bold claim are false prophets. Since the actual date that is being predicted hasn't actually passed yet, I can't in all fairness use the; "if it doesn't come to pass argument", but I can use the words of Jesus.
It is vitally important to remember that Jesus warned us in advance that, "Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people." Matthew 24:11.
The next best way to spot a false prophet is to measure what they are prophesying up against the word of God. Jesus said, "No one, knows the day or hour when these things will happen." Matthew 24: 36. Because, Jesus said that no person knows the day, year or the hour, then nobody knows the actual time. It's that simple. I don't care what mathmathical charts or educated guesses anyone makes, if it contradicts what Jesus and the word of God says then: IT IS A LIE. The truth is; if there was supposed to be a person or a orgainization hand-picked by Jehovah to prepare us for the actual date, Jesus would have said it.
Let us not forget that Jehovah's major reason of not allowing us to know the time or hour is because He wants His children to constantly remain on Guard. Read Matthew chapter 24.
I encourage people everywhere to embrace the advice that Jesus gave us when He warned, "Don't let anyone mislead you." We will never be mislead as long as we measure every teaching and teacher up against the word of God!
Throughout the remaining part of the 60's and early 70's all of Jehovah's Witnesses were emphatically encouraged to, "Stay alive until 75!" Jehovah had revealed His plan to a few of His chosen servants. By mathematical charts and human logic the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses predicted that Judgement Day and the end of time was coming sometime within the year of 1975. Consequently, followers of the Watchtower organization enthusacially embraced the announcement and quickly started making plans for the end of the present world.
Literally, thousands of trusting Witnesses decided that the most responsible thing to do would be to sell off most of their possessions and enter into the full-time door-to-door work. I think that it's important to add that nearly all of the profits went directly to the Watchtower organization in Brooklyn New York. I'm assuming that most of the people reasoned that they would not need money after "the end."
Another change that took place after the 1975 prediction was that sick, and dying people decided to stop taking much needed medications, and many chose to post pone life saving operations. Then....
On the morning of January 1, 1976 the witnesses woke up and they were still here. Jehovah hadn't come. Can you imagine how disappointed these people must have felt? Can you imagine the devastation for the individuals who had sold off all of their property?
So,how did all of this happen?
The truth is simply that the unsuspecting followers of the Watchtower Society had been taken in by false prophets. If this sounds harsh to anyone, let us take a look at the evidence. A prophet is someone who works for Jehovah. They are appointed and anointed to both guild and warn His people about events that will take place in the future. When a prophet receives words from Jehovah the words that they have spoken will most definitely, without a doubt, come true. However, if the predictions fail to come to pass, the warnings were not from God. Our Heavenly Father never makes a mistake, and He is never wrong.
So... we stand to reason that the members of the Governing Body who predicted the end in 1975 did not get their information from Jehovah!
Unfortunately, there is another group that has surfaced recently and they are predicting that Judgement day will be here on May 21, 2011. I'm certain that the individuals responsible for this bold claim are false prophets. Since the actual date that is being predicted hasn't actually passed yet, I can't in all fairness use the; "if it doesn't come to pass argument", but I can use the words of Jesus.
It is vitally important to remember that Jesus warned us in advance that, "Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people." Matthew 24:11.
The next best way to spot a false prophet is to measure what they are prophesying up against the word of God. Jesus said, "No one, knows the day or hour when these things will happen." Matthew 24: 36. Because, Jesus said that no person knows the day, year or the hour, then nobody knows the actual time. It's that simple. I don't care what mathmathical charts or educated guesses anyone makes, if it contradicts what Jesus and the word of God says then: IT IS A LIE. The truth is; if there was supposed to be a person or a orgainization hand-picked by Jehovah to prepare us for the actual date, Jesus would have said it.
Let us not forget that Jehovah's major reason of not allowing us to know the time or hour is because He wants His children to constantly remain on Guard. Read Matthew chapter 24.
I encourage people everywhere to embrace the advice that Jesus gave us when He warned, "Don't let anyone mislead you." We will never be mislead as long as we measure every teaching and teacher up against the word of God!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Forever Friend
"Even if mother and father forsake me, the LORD will hold me close."Psalms 27:10.
Being disfellowshipped at the age of 19 has been one of the most painful experiences that I've ever had to live through. In twenty-four hours, I lost my mother, father, sister and hundreds of my closest friends whom I had known all of my life.
The day after the disfellowhipping I didn't know what to do, or where to turn. I had strictly been warned my entire life not to associate with "worldly" people. Anyone who wasn't one of Jehovah's Witnesses was bad and would only lead to my destruction. After all, they didn't serve the one true God. So, I was lonely, paranoid and scared. I had absolutely no one, or so I thought.
It has taken me over ten years to realize that Jehovah does not disfellowship people. He's in the business of forgiving. "But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9. If we have sinned against Jehovah we need to go to Him and confess our sin and ask for His forgiveness. After we do this; He will forgive us. That is what the scriptures say, and that's what I believe.
The truth is; the watchtower leaders use adverse disciplinary procedures to keep their members in line and to establish control. When a member steps out of line, they get punished, even if that member is sorry for the wrong behavior that they have committed. I think that one of the major reasons that the Witness organization uses disfellowshiping is because it works. Chances are a person will modify behavior and reconform to the rules after they suddenly lose all of their family and friends.
I can't tell you the times that I've heard elders say, "We only disfellowship people because we love them." OK, argument noticed, but why give an announcement for the entire congregation to hear. Why not counsel that person in private and offer to pray with them. Why does one of the elders get up on the platform, step up to the microphone and inform the entire congregation that; Kim Stevens McVicker is being disfellowhipped for wrong doing, and that the others are to stay away from her, not even speaking to her. Then the other members know that if they break the rule and talk to her, they are subject to getting disciplined themselves. The watchtower leaders want total conformity and they will slit up families, and friendships to get it. Where there is control, there is power.
I can assure that no matter what the leaders of the watchtower may have told you; Jehovah still loves you, and will not turn His back on you. He sent His Son to pay the price for your sin. So, just remember the next time you feel totally alone and and believe that you have no one,you do. Jehovah is right now, and for always a Heavenly Father who promises to adopt you if your family and friends forsake you. I can honestly say that when; Jehovah is all you have, you soon find out that He's all you'll ever need. He is a true forever friend.
Being disfellowshipped at the age of 19 has been one of the most painful experiences that I've ever had to live through. In twenty-four hours, I lost my mother, father, sister and hundreds of my closest friends whom I had known all of my life.
The day after the disfellowhipping I didn't know what to do, or where to turn. I had strictly been warned my entire life not to associate with "worldly" people. Anyone who wasn't one of Jehovah's Witnesses was bad and would only lead to my destruction. After all, they didn't serve the one true God. So, I was lonely, paranoid and scared. I had absolutely no one, or so I thought.
It has taken me over ten years to realize that Jehovah does not disfellowship people. He's in the business of forgiving. "But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9. If we have sinned against Jehovah we need to go to Him and confess our sin and ask for His forgiveness. After we do this; He will forgive us. That is what the scriptures say, and that's what I believe.
The truth is; the watchtower leaders use adverse disciplinary procedures to keep their members in line and to establish control. When a member steps out of line, they get punished, even if that member is sorry for the wrong behavior that they have committed. I think that one of the major reasons that the Witness organization uses disfellowshiping is because it works. Chances are a person will modify behavior and reconform to the rules after they suddenly lose all of their family and friends.
I can't tell you the times that I've heard elders say, "We only disfellowship people because we love them." OK, argument noticed, but why give an announcement for the entire congregation to hear. Why not counsel that person in private and offer to pray with them. Why does one of the elders get up on the platform, step up to the microphone and inform the entire congregation that; Kim Stevens McVicker is being disfellowhipped for wrong doing, and that the others are to stay away from her, not even speaking to her. Then the other members know that if they break the rule and talk to her, they are subject to getting disciplined themselves. The watchtower leaders want total conformity and they will slit up families, and friendships to get it. Where there is control, there is power.
I can assure that no matter what the leaders of the watchtower may have told you; Jehovah still loves you, and will not turn His back on you. He sent His Son to pay the price for your sin. So, just remember the next time you feel totally alone and and believe that you have no one,you do. Jehovah is right now, and for always a Heavenly Father who promises to adopt you if your family and friends forsake you. I can honestly say that when; Jehovah is all you have, you soon find out that He's all you'll ever need. He is a true forever friend.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
There's Only Grace
"There's only grace, there's only love, there's only mercy and believe me it's enough."
As one of Jehovah's Witnesses I wasn't familiar with the term "grace," nor was I familiar with it's meaning. The organization avoided the word. I mean, if we asked the leaders what "grace" meant; they would give us a very diluted meaning like, "It's Jehovah's favor." Yes, grace does mean favor, but more importantly it means salvation.
Now I know that in my last blog entry I stated that believing in Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, and that is entirely correct. However, if Jehovah did not decide to offer up in son in the first place, we would all be doomed, and destitute with no hope for the future.
Grace is a gift. It was given exclusively by Jehovah God for the entire world. He did not just offer His Son up for the sake of Jehovah's Witnesses. No matter what the watchtower leaders have taught you, Jehovah's word say's differently.
"God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this:it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." Ephesians 2: 8.
I remember truly believing that because I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses I would be saved as long as I continued to stay active within the congregation.
Salvation is never presented to Jehovah's Witnesses as a free gift. Salvation for a Witnesses is the result of; how hard they work and what group they are involved with. This teaching is a lie.
"So we praise Jehovah for the glorious "grace" that He poured out on us who belong to His dear son. He is so rich in kindness and "grace" that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His son and forgave our sins." Ephesians 1:6,7.
Jehovah and Jesus both paid a high price for your freedom, so please do not become slaves of men.
As one of Jehovah's Witnesses I wasn't familiar with the term "grace," nor was I familiar with it's meaning. The organization avoided the word. I mean, if we asked the leaders what "grace" meant; they would give us a very diluted meaning like, "It's Jehovah's favor." Yes, grace does mean favor, but more importantly it means salvation.
Now I know that in my last blog entry I stated that believing in Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation, and that is entirely correct. However, if Jehovah did not decide to offer up in son in the first place, we would all be doomed, and destitute with no hope for the future.
Grace is a gift. It was given exclusively by Jehovah God for the entire world. He did not just offer His Son up for the sake of Jehovah's Witnesses. No matter what the watchtower leaders have taught you, Jehovah's word say's differently.
"God saved you by His grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this:it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it." Ephesians 2: 8.
I remember truly believing that because I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses I would be saved as long as I continued to stay active within the congregation.
Salvation is never presented to Jehovah's Witnesses as a free gift. Salvation for a Witnesses is the result of; how hard they work and what group they are involved with. This teaching is a lie.
"So we praise Jehovah for the glorious "grace" that He poured out on us who belong to His dear son. He is so rich in kindness and "grace" that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His son and forgave our sins." Ephesians 1:6,7.
Jehovah and Jesus both paid a high price for your freedom, so please do not become slaves of men.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Jehovah's Ultimate Gift
"For God so loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16
Oh, how our Heavenly Father Jehovah loves us. For all of the twenty-one years that I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses I never understood just how much.
In fact, in our New World Translation ( which was the only version of the Bible that I was allowed to read) John 3:16 said something like whoever exercised faith in the sacrifice of Jehovah's son might be saved. When I was a witness the focus was always on what I did, it was never focused on who I was. For example; if I attended all the five meetings every week, and made my 100 hours a month knocking on people's doors, then I felt like I might be acceptable. However, I was never completely certain.
This is not what Jehovah wants for His children. See, it's not about what I do for Jehovah, but about what Jehovah has already done for me.
"Jehovah sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:17.
If anyone tells you that there is any other means to salvation, they are being deceived themselves and they are no doubt deceiving others.
What do you tell others about salvation?
Oh, how our Heavenly Father Jehovah loves us. For all of the twenty-one years that I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses I never understood just how much.
In fact, in our New World Translation ( which was the only version of the Bible that I was allowed to read) John 3:16 said something like whoever exercised faith in the sacrifice of Jehovah's son might be saved. When I was a witness the focus was always on what I did, it was never focused on who I was. For example; if I attended all the five meetings every week, and made my 100 hours a month knocking on people's doors, then I felt like I might be acceptable. However, I was never completely certain.
This is not what Jehovah wants for His children. See, it's not about what I do for Jehovah, but about what Jehovah has already done for me.
"Jehovah sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him." John 3:17.
If anyone tells you that there is any other means to salvation, they are being deceived themselves and they are no doubt deceiving others.
What do you tell others about salvation?
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