It seems that everywhere I look in the Bible I am reminded to trust God. I'm warned that, "Without faith it is impossible to please Him. Guess my question is; Is it possible for me to fully trust God when I don't even fully trust humans? I would assume that trust would have to come first before faith ever could.
Trust is; the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. Whereas, faith is; complete trust. It is my opinion that trust has to come first.
In an ideal world where children are loved, valued and unconditionally accepted by their parents, they learn that the world is good and that people are safe. However, in a dysfunctional world (like the world I grew up in) where children were treated as inferior, where they were to be seen and not heard and constantly degraded, and what little bit of love that they got was always based on conditions, the children see the world and other people as unsafe, untrustworthy and uncaring. Ironically, this was not God's intended purpose. Because from all the research I've ever read, babies are born into this world with the innate ability to automatically trust. When a baby is first born they cry in order to get their basic needs met. When the cries and needs are responded to the infant learns very quickly that crying does the trick. However, in some case's where abuse and neglect has played a major factor the studies have shown that some infants whose needs go unattended over an extended period of time will eventually stop crying altogether. My point is: we all have learned how to survive from what our environments have taught us.
Then if the person has suffered from any type of social, peer or authoritative abuse (minsters, or school teachers) this only serves to enhance the mistrust. Then to put the icing on the cake, for those same children to be brought up in a strict, religious organization where they are repeatedly taught that God's love and acceptance are only available if they do everything exactly right; the odds of them growing up to become adults who just trust everyone is slim to none.
I'm beginning to believe that it is unrealistic to expect someone who has been a victim of; physical, emotional, verbal, mental and spiritual abuse to automatically trust; even God. Here's the funny thing, I want to. I desperately want to "totally" trust Jesus. But I know Him well enough to know that pretending to do something that I do not really mean or believe is far worse than not doing it at all.
Please understand that I am not confronting these issues to be negative or to gain sympathy. But these feelings do exist and ignoring them is only serving to keep me sicker. And God is a God of "Truth". If I cannot take my fears and frustrations to Him, then who can I take them to?
Honestly, what I'm truly tired of hearing is, "Just have faith, sister, God loves you". Are those words for my benefit or a quick response for others so that they can give an obligatory pat on the back and walk away unaffected?
Just allow me to say that I do believe that a person can not blame the past forever. We all must move forward at one point. However, my question still remains; how am I suppose to "fully" trust Jesus when I've yet to learn how to trust others. Unfortunately, trust and faith are not readily available. I mean I can't educate myself and obtain them, nor can I buy them. These are hard questions, but I can almost guarantee you that I'm not the only one who's asking them. Truth is; in the Christian community if a person makes statements like this, he or she is automatically labeled as a doubter or spiritually weak. And I think that this is sad. Paul said that as Christians, "We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice". Romans 12:15.
So,,,,,what's the solution? It would appear that only God holds the answer.
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