I can remember when my daughter was much younger; sitting in the back seat of our car bellowing out the lyrics, "Yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, yes Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so."
How much happier I would be as an adult if I merely embraced the fact that Jesus loves me with the same conviction that my little girl does. But for some reason I've fought it for most of my life. I have had difficulty accepting that someone as wonderful as Jesus would be interested in me. However, irregardless of how I feel the ultimate truth remains; Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so.
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16.
"In this love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propitiation of our sins." 1John 4:10.
See, we will never have to do anything to make God love us. We can not make God do anything. He loves us because He chooses to. He loves us because that is who He is. If God is love, then love is God. Because He possesses ultimate power He could easily decide to dump us and not take an interest in us. In the simplest of terms; God loves us because He wants to! After all, He doesn't owe us anything. Yet, He continues to love us and show us kindness.
He even shows love to the ones who do not love Him. "God causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matt 5:45.
Anyway, I asked Jesus what He wanted me to tell all of you today, and He said, "Tell them that I love them."
Well, I'm telling you that He does love you and if you will simply embrace this truth you will experience a peace that can surpass all human understanding. I always try to understand God through intellect and reasoning and it doesn't work. God's ways are far above my own. Soooo, let me save you the suspense; you will never be able to figure God out so stop trying because it's a waste of time. To further simplify the decision I can narrow it down to two choices: One, you either trust that God is who He says He is, or two, you don't.
This will be my last blog at jehovahsultimatetruth.blogspot.com Thanks to all of my loyal readers. Look for my new blog. I'm not sure what the title will be yet, but I know that the information will be for "all" of God's children and not just for one specific group. The truth is; we are all humans and we all struggle in some way or another and I just want you to know that there is help available for each and every struggle that you will ever face.
Until we meet again, may God's peace keep you. Thanks for your support, Kim
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
What Did She Say?
Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops. Proverbs 26:20 (NIV)
Growing up witness taught me two things. The first thing was how to follow rules. The second thing was how to appreciate some juicy gossip. There seemed to be an epidemic in our small congregation of about 60 people. When someone had a problem or an imperfection, we "all" knew about it. It's funny, but I truly believed that most (non-cult) people didn't engage in gossip. Oh, how wrong I was!
Years ago when I was attending college I was friends with some girls, who all claimed to be pals but there was gossip in our midst. I swear, one girl was a trained professional. She simply processed the talent of overhearing one of the other girls saying something nasty about me. Then after she heard it she would waste no time relaying the disturbing message back to me. Then I'd put on my boxing gloves and in true battle fashion, would retaliate by saying something even nastier.
Suddenly quarrels began to spring up between us. Sadly, we did not discover the true source that created all of the tension until the friendships were beyond repair and had to be dissolved.
Also, it has been my experience that people are basically people. The wonderful world of gossip exists everywhere, between all ethnic groups and individuals from all economic statuses. Now I hate to be the one to deliver this shocker, but it even exists among Christians, it shouldn't, but it does. I recently had an experience where I had an altercation with another christian. I got emotional and upset and gave serious thought to leaving my church. Instead of following the advice of Jesus and going to the person whom I had the conflict with, I went to two other people. This action only resulted to further complicate the situation. I drew others into my negativity. I'm happy to tell you that the incident was able to be resolved, but repeating the ordeal to others only served to make the situation worse. In the beginning I reasoned that I was talking about the problem because I was angry and needed to let off some steam, but that's what Jesus is for. I should have followed Joyce's advice and ran to the throne and not the phone.
Repeating negative things about another person to someone else stirs up various conflicts and separates friends. Believe me there's just nothing good that comes from it.
As a result of what just happened I've made the decision to eliminate all forms of gossip from my life. I will not speak it, nor will I listen to it. I've been made painfully aware that at one point I will be held accountable by God for every word I've ever spoken. "For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all." Matthew 10:28. So I'm going to try to choose my words more carefully.
Jesus, please give me the continued desire to stop speaking and receiving gossip.
Growing up witness taught me two things. The first thing was how to follow rules. The second thing was how to appreciate some juicy gossip. There seemed to be an epidemic in our small congregation of about 60 people. When someone had a problem or an imperfection, we "all" knew about it. It's funny, but I truly believed that most (non-cult) people didn't engage in gossip. Oh, how wrong I was!
Years ago when I was attending college I was friends with some girls, who all claimed to be pals but there was gossip in our midst. I swear, one girl was a trained professional. She simply processed the talent of overhearing one of the other girls saying something nasty about me. Then after she heard it she would waste no time relaying the disturbing message back to me. Then I'd put on my boxing gloves and in true battle fashion, would retaliate by saying something even nastier.
Suddenly quarrels began to spring up between us. Sadly, we did not discover the true source that created all of the tension until the friendships were beyond repair and had to be dissolved.
Also, it has been my experience that people are basically people. The wonderful world of gossip exists everywhere, between all ethnic groups and individuals from all economic statuses. Now I hate to be the one to deliver this shocker, but it even exists among Christians, it shouldn't, but it does. I recently had an experience where I had an altercation with another christian. I got emotional and upset and gave serious thought to leaving my church. Instead of following the advice of Jesus and going to the person whom I had the conflict with, I went to two other people. This action only resulted to further complicate the situation. I drew others into my negativity. I'm happy to tell you that the incident was able to be resolved, but repeating the ordeal to others only served to make the situation worse. In the beginning I reasoned that I was talking about the problem because I was angry and needed to let off some steam, but that's what Jesus is for. I should have followed Joyce's advice and ran to the throne and not the phone.
Repeating negative things about another person to someone else stirs up various conflicts and separates friends. Believe me there's just nothing good that comes from it.
As a result of what just happened I've made the decision to eliminate all forms of gossip from my life. I will not speak it, nor will I listen to it. I've been made painfully aware that at one point I will be held accountable by God for every word I've ever spoken. "For the time is coming when everything that is covered will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all." Matthew 10:28. So I'm going to try to choose my words more carefully.
Jesus, please give me the continued desire to stop speaking and receiving gossip.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The Pact
There's just no way around it I made a pact with myself when I was disfellowshipped as one of Jehovah's Witnesses. subconsciously, I allowed myself to agree with what the elders said about me.
They said that I was rebellious, unlovable and unwanted. They said that Jehovah didn't want someone like me messing up his crystal organization. They told me that I was dirty and had to be removed like a cancer, before I polluted the rest of the congregation.
I can remember all to well sitting through that meeting awaiting my horrible fate. The elders had spoken, I had not appeared repentant enough to them, and so the only decision was to disfellowship me so that I didn't contaminate the others.
I agreed with them that very night. Right then and there before I even left the room, I sided with the elders that I wasn't worth loving. I wasn't worth saving and that people could not be trusted. I never said these words out loud, but deep down inside I internalized them and that's the way that I've lived my life ever since. Jesus said, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is."
I've had to ask myself some brutal questions this week. First, I asked myself what I really thought in my heart about love? My heart answer is, "It doesn't really exist. It's only superficial. My second question was could anyone be trusted? My answer is, absolutely not. They will not stand by you when you really need them. Because when the going gets tough everyone leaves. My thoughts about trust is that it's completely counterfeit; it only appears real on the surface it may look authentic, but in reality it's completely fake. And third, will Jesus actually save me? The truth is; I don't know. Maybe, deep down in my heart of hearts I believe that I'm not worth saving. I mean if anyone asks me the question; did Jesus come to earth to die and to save people from their sins, I will defend that He did. But did Jesus come to earth and die for me? No, I'm not worthy.
I believe that we each must search ourselves and our hearts to find the answers to hard questions that we'd rather not answer. I just know that deep down inside I'm not the only person who struggles with receiving God's grace. If you have never been shown love and mercy and unconditional love, then it's very hard to fathom what it is. Especially, individuals who have suffered abuse from both their parents and religious leaders. I don't say this in any way for sympathy, but the truth is the truth. Most people don't want to get their hands dirty with recovering cult members. They would rather offer a pat on the back and a quick solution then to actually bleed with the other person. However, Paul said, "Mourn with those who mourn." We've somehow forgotten this as Christians.
This is why I do what I do. People have had stuff happen to them. Painful stuff. I for one am tired of hearing that we should stuff our pain and paint on a happy, plastic, smile. Because when we do this, the devil wins. Satan wants us to believe that we are the only ones in the universe to feel the way that we feel. That's why talking about it helps.
My hearts desire for this week is to learn how to receive the unconditional love of Jesus. Honestly, I don't know how to receive it but I'm desperately willing to learn.
Jesus, I know that I cannot stay forever trapped in this hopeless maze of past hurts, but I'm gonna need a supernatural miracle. Please heal my broken heart so that I can accept your love and grace.
They said that I was rebellious, unlovable and unwanted. They said that Jehovah didn't want someone like me messing up his crystal organization. They told me that I was dirty and had to be removed like a cancer, before I polluted the rest of the congregation.
I can remember all to well sitting through that meeting awaiting my horrible fate. The elders had spoken, I had not appeared repentant enough to them, and so the only decision was to disfellowship me so that I didn't contaminate the others.
I agreed with them that very night. Right then and there before I even left the room, I sided with the elders that I wasn't worth loving. I wasn't worth saving and that people could not be trusted. I never said these words out loud, but deep down inside I internalized them and that's the way that I've lived my life ever since. Jesus said, "As a man thinks in his heart, so he is."
I've had to ask myself some brutal questions this week. First, I asked myself what I really thought in my heart about love? My heart answer is, "It doesn't really exist. It's only superficial. My second question was could anyone be trusted? My answer is, absolutely not. They will not stand by you when you really need them. Because when the going gets tough everyone leaves. My thoughts about trust is that it's completely counterfeit; it only appears real on the surface it may look authentic, but in reality it's completely fake. And third, will Jesus actually save me? The truth is; I don't know. Maybe, deep down in my heart of hearts I believe that I'm not worth saving. I mean if anyone asks me the question; did Jesus come to earth to die and to save people from their sins, I will defend that He did. But did Jesus come to earth and die for me? No, I'm not worthy.
I believe that we each must search ourselves and our hearts to find the answers to hard questions that we'd rather not answer. I just know that deep down inside I'm not the only person who struggles with receiving God's grace. If you have never been shown love and mercy and unconditional love, then it's very hard to fathom what it is. Especially, individuals who have suffered abuse from both their parents and religious leaders. I don't say this in any way for sympathy, but the truth is the truth. Most people don't want to get their hands dirty with recovering cult members. They would rather offer a pat on the back and a quick solution then to actually bleed with the other person. However, Paul said, "Mourn with those who mourn." We've somehow forgotten this as Christians.
This is why I do what I do. People have had stuff happen to them. Painful stuff. I for one am tired of hearing that we should stuff our pain and paint on a happy, plastic, smile. Because when we do this, the devil wins. Satan wants us to believe that we are the only ones in the universe to feel the way that we feel. That's why talking about it helps.
My hearts desire for this week is to learn how to receive the unconditional love of Jesus. Honestly, I don't know how to receive it but I'm desperately willing to learn.
Jesus, I know that I cannot stay forever trapped in this hopeless maze of past hurts, but I'm gonna need a supernatural miracle. Please heal my broken heart so that I can accept your love and grace.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Who Really Has the Control?
"So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Come close to God and He will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up in honor." James 4: 7-10.
I guess there's a lot of truth to that old Chinese Proverb that says; "When the student is ready the teacher will appear", because yesterday morning in personal study I came across the verse quoted above. Although, I must have read this scripture a few hundred times throughout my walk with God (9 years) this time as I read it, I understood the text's meaning in a totally different way. On this particular occasion the words that literally jumped off the page were; RESIST and FLEE.
Resist the devil and he will flee! Now the funny thing is that I had quoted this scripture plenty of times, my head knew this verse well but my heart had never heard of it. I had absolutely no ideal of the true beauty behind these words until around 24 hours ago.
First, we really must realize who we are up against. The devil is our enemy he hates God and he hates us. He wants nothing more than to mess us up. He wants to damage us: mentally, emotionally and spiritually, so that we never do anything to upset his plans. He understands that if he can constantly fill our heads with lies and make us believe them, then we will never do anything POWERFUL for the kingdom of God. The devil should never be listened too. Why? Because he is a filthy, rotten, dirty, liar and that's being far to kind of a description for him. In fact, Jesus called him, "The father of the lie." Satan cannot speak the truth because it is not in his nature. Excuse me, I lost my head for a minute there. OK, now that I've given you the bad news-here's the good news!
We can resist the devil. Resist means to exert force in opposition! Meaning that when he starts whispering in your ear that you don't have what it takes to make it. You need to turn on him and start yelling in his face that, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." When the devil tells you that your life is messed up beyond repair, you just remind him that God has all of your life written down and He knows exactly where you are. He knows what your struggles are and He still has a good plan for your life.
Now, what starts to happen when you resist the devil? HE FLEES! He runs away toward a place of security! Remember that it is impossible to have a clean fight with a coward. A spineless coward will only throw punches when your back is turned. Face one head on and watch what happens. Chances are they will fly outta there. The devil is no exception to this rule.
Please allow me to say that it isn't merely speaking the words of scripture that makes the devil run, it's the faith behind the words! As my Pastor always reminds me, "The devil knows when you really don't believe the words that are coming out of your mouth." My advice to anyone struggling in this area would be to fill yourself up on the word of God. Give the words time to leak from your brain into your heart. I promise you that eventually it will! Just never give up, keep fighting!
So.......my title asks the question, Who Really Has the Control? The answer is; you do! How do I know? Holy Spirit told me so. His exact words were, "The devil doesn't control you, you control him." Never allow the devil to steal the power that Jesus has given you!
I guess there's a lot of truth to that old Chinese Proverb that says; "When the student is ready the teacher will appear", because yesterday morning in personal study I came across the verse quoted above. Although, I must have read this scripture a few hundred times throughout my walk with God (9 years) this time as I read it, I understood the text's meaning in a totally different way. On this particular occasion the words that literally jumped off the page were; RESIST and FLEE.
Resist the devil and he will flee! Now the funny thing is that I had quoted this scripture plenty of times, my head knew this verse well but my heart had never heard of it. I had absolutely no ideal of the true beauty behind these words until around 24 hours ago.
First, we really must realize who we are up against. The devil is our enemy he hates God and he hates us. He wants nothing more than to mess us up. He wants to damage us: mentally, emotionally and spiritually, so that we never do anything to upset his plans. He understands that if he can constantly fill our heads with lies and make us believe them, then we will never do anything POWERFUL for the kingdom of God. The devil should never be listened too. Why? Because he is a filthy, rotten, dirty, liar and that's being far to kind of a description for him. In fact, Jesus called him, "The father of the lie." Satan cannot speak the truth because it is not in his nature. Excuse me, I lost my head for a minute there. OK, now that I've given you the bad news-here's the good news!
We can resist the devil. Resist means to exert force in opposition! Meaning that when he starts whispering in your ear that you don't have what it takes to make it. You need to turn on him and start yelling in his face that, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." When the devil tells you that your life is messed up beyond repair, you just remind him that God has all of your life written down and He knows exactly where you are. He knows what your struggles are and He still has a good plan for your life.
Now, what starts to happen when you resist the devil? HE FLEES! He runs away toward a place of security! Remember that it is impossible to have a clean fight with a coward. A spineless coward will only throw punches when your back is turned. Face one head on and watch what happens. Chances are they will fly outta there. The devil is no exception to this rule.
Please allow me to say that it isn't merely speaking the words of scripture that makes the devil run, it's the faith behind the words! As my Pastor always reminds me, "The devil knows when you really don't believe the words that are coming out of your mouth." My advice to anyone struggling in this area would be to fill yourself up on the word of God. Give the words time to leak from your brain into your heart. I promise you that eventually it will! Just never give up, keep fighting!
So.......my title asks the question, Who Really Has the Control? The answer is; you do! How do I know? Holy Spirit told me so. His exact words were, "The devil doesn't control you, you control him." Never allow the devil to steal the power that Jesus has given you!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Vows That Bind
Therefore submit to God. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4: 7a,8a.
For weeks now; God has been bringing me through an intense time of emotional healing. I can't deny that I need it because I have more baggage then Kennedy Airport. As painful as it is, I take some solace in the fact that at least for now I understand where most of my struggles are coming from.
When I was fifteen years old, I walked into the kitchen just in time to see my ranting father slam my mother's favorite house plant against the wall. The look of shock and fear that crossed my mom's face was over whelming. Next, I helplessly watched as my frightened mother slowly sunk down into a corner, buried her face into her lap and sobbed. Then my father with a look of both glee and intense satisfaction, turned and stormed from the house. I remember just standing there looking at my mom for the longest time not knowing for sure what to do or say.
I felt so helpless and so disgusted that all I could do was run down the hall. After I got into the safety of my bedroom, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "No person will ever control me, especially a man." Later that day as we "all" sit around the dinner table eating supper, I kept fighting down waves of nausea because of all the unresolved tension that the earlier drama had created. Everyone just ate their meals in silence and no one spoke of the incident. Then later on that same evening we all got dressed up in our finest, and went to the Kingdom Hall to parade as the perfect, loving, Christian family. My father suddenly loved everyone and my mom was transformed onto a social butterfly, and my sister and I were the obedient, teens who were someday going to make wonder witness women.
All throughout that meeting my mind reflected back upon that days events and all of the other days that I had lived through just like it, and suddenly nothing made any sense to me. Finally, before that meeting was over I decided to take the issue to my favorite elder. I reasoned that since mom obviously lacked the strength to do anything, I would. For the first time I felt hopeful about my situation. I just knew that after my conversation with the elder things at my home would change.
After the meeting I quickly found the elder and literally spilled my guts, I told him everything. I told him how that I lived in constant fear, I told him how my father bullied my mother, I told him about my mother's inability to stand up for herself to my father. I mostly told him about my feelings of hopelessness in constantly watching my mother crumble and allowing my father to walk all over her. After I had finished I sit back feeling relived for first time. However, my relief was only temporarily because absolutely nothing could have ever prepared me for his response. Instead, of telling me that it was going to be OK, that he'd see what he could do, the man started rebuking me. He gave me a lecture on how I wasn't being submissive to my mom or dad, he told me that our private family matters needed to be handled by my mother and he pretty much let me know that the entire congregation had nothing but respect for my father. Honestly, all I can remember feeling at the time was shock........
Later on that night as I lay in bed I remember making another solemn vow and that was; that I would never, under no circumstances, go to an elder, minster, or man of God ever again with my problems. I reasoned that people were more accepting if they didn't know that you were having problems. And even if you were suffering it was always better to pretend that you weren't.
See, recently God has asked me to surrender and submit my life and will over to Him and I have not been able to do it yet. But at least now I know why; those vows that I spoke over myself 20+ years ago, still hold much power over me.
The truth is; as far as my relationship with God goes this is where the rubber hits the road. I can't advance another step unless I give Him what He wants.
I mean if surrender were an intellectual matter I think that I would have already done so, but surrender is an affair of the heart. My head Says, "Go on girl, you do not need to hold onto the control, let God do it." Then my heart says, "I know that I need to, but I'm afraid and I really don't know how." I keep telling God that if you want me to do this you are going to have to supernaturally intervene. I'm sure that I cannot do this myself.
So,,,,, thus far the struggle between mind and will continues.........
For weeks now; God has been bringing me through an intense time of emotional healing. I can't deny that I need it because I have more baggage then Kennedy Airport. As painful as it is, I take some solace in the fact that at least for now I understand where most of my struggles are coming from.
When I was fifteen years old, I walked into the kitchen just in time to see my ranting father slam my mother's favorite house plant against the wall. The look of shock and fear that crossed my mom's face was over whelming. Next, I helplessly watched as my frightened mother slowly sunk down into a corner, buried her face into her lap and sobbed. Then my father with a look of both glee and intense satisfaction, turned and stormed from the house. I remember just standing there looking at my mom for the longest time not knowing for sure what to do or say.
I felt so helpless and so disgusted that all I could do was run down the hall. After I got into the safety of my bedroom, I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, "No person will ever control me, especially a man." Later that day as we "all" sit around the dinner table eating supper, I kept fighting down waves of nausea because of all the unresolved tension that the earlier drama had created. Everyone just ate their meals in silence and no one spoke of the incident. Then later on that same evening we all got dressed up in our finest, and went to the Kingdom Hall to parade as the perfect, loving, Christian family. My father suddenly loved everyone and my mom was transformed onto a social butterfly, and my sister and I were the obedient, teens who were someday going to make wonder witness women.
All throughout that meeting my mind reflected back upon that days events and all of the other days that I had lived through just like it, and suddenly nothing made any sense to me. Finally, before that meeting was over I decided to take the issue to my favorite elder. I reasoned that since mom obviously lacked the strength to do anything, I would. For the first time I felt hopeful about my situation. I just knew that after my conversation with the elder things at my home would change.
After the meeting I quickly found the elder and literally spilled my guts, I told him everything. I told him how that I lived in constant fear, I told him how my father bullied my mother, I told him about my mother's inability to stand up for herself to my father. I mostly told him about my feelings of hopelessness in constantly watching my mother crumble and allowing my father to walk all over her. After I had finished I sit back feeling relived for first time. However, my relief was only temporarily because absolutely nothing could have ever prepared me for his response. Instead, of telling me that it was going to be OK, that he'd see what he could do, the man started rebuking me. He gave me a lecture on how I wasn't being submissive to my mom or dad, he told me that our private family matters needed to be handled by my mother and he pretty much let me know that the entire congregation had nothing but respect for my father. Honestly, all I can remember feeling at the time was shock........
Later on that night as I lay in bed I remember making another solemn vow and that was; that I would never, under no circumstances, go to an elder, minster, or man of God ever again with my problems. I reasoned that people were more accepting if they didn't know that you were having problems. And even if you were suffering it was always better to pretend that you weren't.
See, recently God has asked me to surrender and submit my life and will over to Him and I have not been able to do it yet. But at least now I know why; those vows that I spoke over myself 20+ years ago, still hold much power over me.
The truth is; as far as my relationship with God goes this is where the rubber hits the road. I can't advance another step unless I give Him what He wants.
I mean if surrender were an intellectual matter I think that I would have already done so, but surrender is an affair of the heart. My head Says, "Go on girl, you do not need to hold onto the control, let God do it." Then my heart says, "I know that I need to, but I'm afraid and I really don't know how." I keep telling God that if you want me to do this you are going to have to supernaturally intervene. I'm sure that I cannot do this myself.
So,,,,, thus far the struggle between mind and will continues.........
Thursday, August 18, 2011
To God Alone Be the Glory
"To God alone be the glory. To God alone be the praise, everything I say and do, let it be all for you, the glory is yours alone."
Boy, has God been dealing with me on this subject. He has been letting me know that He is not going to share His glory with anyone or anything else. In fact, He told me yesterday that He wanted to take first place in my life. He didn't ask me, He told me!
I can tell you that although I've been saved for nine years, I have not allowed Jesus to become Lord of my life. I haven't allowed Him to call all of the shots, and He's getting more aggressive about wanting too. I'll give you an example; a few days ago my husband and I were driving home when suddenly he tells me that we have to stop by his sisters house to pick something up. Immediately, I felt a tug from the Holy Spirit that I needed to get out and go inside. However, I had other plans. I wanted to stay in the car, keep quite and go home because I had somewhere else that I needed to be later on that evening. So, I told my husband to go on ahead and that I'd just wait for him. Suddenly, I realized that I had just placed my own wants and desires above Jesus'. When I realized what I had done, I repented, relented and got out. What was the outcome? Jesus wanted to give me an opportunity to minister to a 21 year old. A seed was planted and who knows what Holy Spirit's gonna do with it.
Throughout my life I've been guilty of placing many things above God. A partial list would include; addictions, people, thoughts, jobs, relationships, fixations, my own opinions,etc..... You name it, I could find a way to idolize it. According to my Pastor; an idol would be anything that a person gives their energy and time to over God. This is a dangerous trap to fall into because we are repeatedly warned in the scriptures that God is a jealous God. He wants all of us, and He will absolutely not share the lime light with anyone. He doesn't have to because everything already belongs to Him.
I mean I didn't deliberately sit out to disobey God, I simply ignored His instructions and did what I wanted to do instead. I never once said to myself or dared ever say to God that I wasn't going to listen to His directions, but my actions spoke louder that a thousand thoughts, or words. And as we already know actions are what's important to God. I mean it's easy to sing, "I surrender all", but does God have to tackle us to the ground each time He asks us to do something? This question merits an answer.
Also, it's very easy to elevate people over God . Especially,the ones who profess to be working for Him. Yep, I'm talking about TV evangelists, Preachers, Pastors, or religious organizations. We must always remember that they should be working for God's glory and not for their own. Whatever talents and wisdom they have, they've received from God- not themselves.
Honestly, I have to be extremely careful not to fall into this trap. Because I received no love or attention from my parents when I was younger, I quickly developed attachments to other older adults. These people became the center of my universe. When I needed advice, or a hug or some attention, I automatically ran to them. This habit did not just disappear when I became an adult. The truth is; I still have to constantly remind my self to both think about and go to God first, and if He wants me to receive assistant from someone else, He'll direct me to them.
Finally, the thought that God is jealous for my attention, amazes me. He doesn't need me, He is not dependent on me, but yet He honestly wants all me. As nutty as I am, He wants me warts and all! I think that I want to get to a point in my life where I'm likewise jealous for God. I want to crave His attention just as much as He wants mine. Because in the end everything that we've tried to exalt over God will turn to dust or become meaningless, but God will still be here because He will exist forever!
Boy, has God been dealing with me on this subject. He has been letting me know that He is not going to share His glory with anyone or anything else. In fact, He told me yesterday that He wanted to take first place in my life. He didn't ask me, He told me!
I can tell you that although I've been saved for nine years, I have not allowed Jesus to become Lord of my life. I haven't allowed Him to call all of the shots, and He's getting more aggressive about wanting too. I'll give you an example; a few days ago my husband and I were driving home when suddenly he tells me that we have to stop by his sisters house to pick something up. Immediately, I felt a tug from the Holy Spirit that I needed to get out and go inside. However, I had other plans. I wanted to stay in the car, keep quite and go home because I had somewhere else that I needed to be later on that evening. So, I told my husband to go on ahead and that I'd just wait for him. Suddenly, I realized that I had just placed my own wants and desires above Jesus'. When I realized what I had done, I repented, relented and got out. What was the outcome? Jesus wanted to give me an opportunity to minister to a 21 year old. A seed was planted and who knows what Holy Spirit's gonna do with it.
Throughout my life I've been guilty of placing many things above God. A partial list would include; addictions, people, thoughts, jobs, relationships, fixations, my own opinions,etc..... You name it, I could find a way to idolize it. According to my Pastor; an idol would be anything that a person gives their energy and time to over God. This is a dangerous trap to fall into because we are repeatedly warned in the scriptures that God is a jealous God. He wants all of us, and He will absolutely not share the lime light with anyone. He doesn't have to because everything already belongs to Him.
I mean I didn't deliberately sit out to disobey God, I simply ignored His instructions and did what I wanted to do instead. I never once said to myself or dared ever say to God that I wasn't going to listen to His directions, but my actions spoke louder that a thousand thoughts, or words. And as we already know actions are what's important to God. I mean it's easy to sing, "I surrender all", but does God have to tackle us to the ground each time He asks us to do something? This question merits an answer.
Also, it's very easy to elevate people over God . Especially,the ones who profess to be working for Him. Yep, I'm talking about TV evangelists, Preachers, Pastors, or religious organizations. We must always remember that they should be working for God's glory and not for their own. Whatever talents and wisdom they have, they've received from God- not themselves.
Honestly, I have to be extremely careful not to fall into this trap. Because I received no love or attention from my parents when I was younger, I quickly developed attachments to other older adults. These people became the center of my universe. When I needed advice, or a hug or some attention, I automatically ran to them. This habit did not just disappear when I became an adult. The truth is; I still have to constantly remind my self to both think about and go to God first, and if He wants me to receive assistant from someone else, He'll direct me to them.
Finally, the thought that God is jealous for my attention, amazes me. He doesn't need me, He is not dependent on me, but yet He honestly wants all me. As nutty as I am, He wants me warts and all! I think that I want to get to a point in my life where I'm likewise jealous for God. I want to crave His attention just as much as He wants mine. Because in the end everything that we've tried to exalt over God will turn to dust or become meaningless, but God will still be here because He will exist forever!
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Learn A Lesson From Your Rear View Mirror
"But I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead" Philippians 3:13.
Ever wonder why the rear view mirror in your car is so small? Could it be because focusing on where your going is more important then looking back on where you've been? I mean can you imagine what kind of calamity would happen if you tried to drive your automobile using only your rear view mirror? Trust me, with even the best case scenario, nothing good would come of it. And if you persisted in driving in this crazy fashion, I can almost guarantee you that if a judge didn't take away your licence or order you in lock down, you'd at the minimum be riding a bus,taking a bicycle, or simply walking.
This is exactly how living in the past is. I mean think about it; we've already been there and we can not go back, so the only rational thing to do is to keep moving forward, but instead we keep looking back and we run the risk of crashing into a large obstacle. I've been very guilty of this for the majority of my life.
Truthfully, being disfellowshipped as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and losing all of my family and friends left a big scar. I'm not denying the pain, but I almost allowed that one experience to ruin any other relationships that I may have came into contact with. Trust was a big issue for me. I reasoned that if I couldn't even trust my parents or friends whom I had known my entire life, then I simply couldn't trust anybody, not even Jesus. Oh, how wrong I was.
I believe that always focusing on your past obscures your view of the future. For example; whenever I met new people especially Christians; my invisible wall automatically went up. I concluded that if I made a mistake they would reject me, so I stood ready to reject them first. And Pastors didn't stand a chance as far as I was concerned. I reasoned that they would be as nice as could be until I broke a rule or stepped out of line and then I was convinced that I'd see their horns come out. So.... I never trusted them. Of course I was judging them harshly because of my past experiences with Jehovah's Witness elders.
And Jesus...... well He caught all of my pain and frustration....... I was upset because He had allowed me to go through these painful episodes and had done nothing to protect or save me from them. I supposed that because He hadn't intervened - He simply didn't care.
It had never dawned on me that everything that I went through was all a part of His divine plan for my life. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28.
Absolutely nothing that has ever happened to me has not been allowed by Jesus. Because He processes all power and control He could have easily shielded me from the pain of my past, but he chose not to done so. Do I understand why He allowed me to endure the things that I did? No. But I do believe that all of my experiences good and bad have made me into the person that I am today. I know that Jesus loves me and that I'm His, and if Jesus wants my mess to become my message; then so be it.
My message is simply this:
- Irregardless, of what's happened to me, I still love Jesus. In fact, I've had more of an opportunity then most folks to cling to Him because of not having parents.
- I still love people.
- But most importantly; my past did not make me a victim, instead it created a survivor!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ever wonder why the rear view mirror in your car is so small? Could it be because focusing on where your going is more important then looking back on where you've been? I mean can you imagine what kind of calamity would happen if you tried to drive your automobile using only your rear view mirror? Trust me, with even the best case scenario, nothing good would come of it. And if you persisted in driving in this crazy fashion, I can almost guarantee you that if a judge didn't take away your licence or order you in lock down, you'd at the minimum be riding a bus,taking a bicycle, or simply walking.
This is exactly how living in the past is. I mean think about it; we've already been there and we can not go back, so the only rational thing to do is to keep moving forward, but instead we keep looking back and we run the risk of crashing into a large obstacle. I've been very guilty of this for the majority of my life.
Truthfully, being disfellowshipped as one of Jehovah's Witnesses and losing all of my family and friends left a big scar. I'm not denying the pain, but I almost allowed that one experience to ruin any other relationships that I may have came into contact with. Trust was a big issue for me. I reasoned that if I couldn't even trust my parents or friends whom I had known my entire life, then I simply couldn't trust anybody, not even Jesus. Oh, how wrong I was.
I believe that always focusing on your past obscures your view of the future. For example; whenever I met new people especially Christians; my invisible wall automatically went up. I concluded that if I made a mistake they would reject me, so I stood ready to reject them first. And Pastors didn't stand a chance as far as I was concerned. I reasoned that they would be as nice as could be until I broke a rule or stepped out of line and then I was convinced that I'd see their horns come out. So.... I never trusted them. Of course I was judging them harshly because of my past experiences with Jehovah's Witness elders.
And Jesus...... well He caught all of my pain and frustration....... I was upset because He had allowed me to go through these painful episodes and had done nothing to protect or save me from them. I supposed that because He hadn't intervened - He simply didn't care.
It had never dawned on me that everything that I went through was all a part of His divine plan for my life. "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28.
Absolutely nothing that has ever happened to me has not been allowed by Jesus. Because He processes all power and control He could have easily shielded me from the pain of my past, but he chose not to done so. Do I understand why He allowed me to endure the things that I did? No. But I do believe that all of my experiences good and bad have made me into the person that I am today. I know that Jesus loves me and that I'm His, and if Jesus wants my mess to become my message; then so be it.
My message is simply this:
- Irregardless, of what's happened to me, I still love Jesus. In fact, I've had more of an opportunity then most folks to cling to Him because of not having parents.
- I still love people.
- But most importantly; my past did not make me a victim, instead it created a survivor!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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